myoukyomou

<Before takeoff introduction + safety instructions> Hello everyone, this is your captain, Milka, speaking. You are flying from <place> to <place> on <airline>'s <plane model> <plane number>. We will be departing on time at <time>, and arriving at around <time>. We are at a cruising altitude of 20k feet. Please fasten your seatbelts, for the safety of you. This is enforced so you don't get hurt during turbulence or just when I wanna mess with you guys and swing the stick wildly. Just because the seatbelt light is off doesn't mean I'm not gonna do the latter. Oooh, what do these lights do? [emergency lights on the floor flicker on and off] [whispering to co-pilot] those are the ones you have to follow to get out of the aircraft, right? okay. [back to microphone] So those lights are the ones you have to follow to get out of the aircraft. Incase of an emergency landing in the water, take the lifevest under your seat, pull those tabs on the thing and pray to god it inflates. Otherwise, you are screwed. Ah! I'm just messing with you, just blow into the tubes that are there. When the plane doors open, slides will inflate, which will act as boats. Uh, do we even have enough of those things for all of the passengers? Okay, if you can't get on the boat, I hope you can swim. No heels on those things though, and don't bring anything with you. Incase of an emergency landing on land, use the slides and RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!! How many times do I have to say this?! PUT YOUR TRAY UP. AND PUT YOUR SEAT IN THE UPRIGHT POSITION. BEFORE TAKEOFF AND LANDING. I SWEAR I SEE SO MANY PEOPLE THAT DON'T DO THAT!!! Hey, can we have a flight attendant bring a glass of milk to the cockpit? Thank you. Incase of cabin air pressure dropping, oxygen masks will drop harder than that. [mumbling] the damn ghosts are breathin' all the air [back to microphone] Grab those little thangs and wear em! On your face! The mouth n' nose! Tighten the mask if you need to. There is no need to put the oxygen masks on people you need to help, they need to learn to be independent anyways... nevermind please put them on for them. We do not recommend using stilts on the plane.. not that I've tried it. Anyways, the cockpit and cabin crew wishes you a great flight. Though, Sherry decided not to wish you a good flight. If this turns out not to be great, blame her. <Cabin Music> Eurobeat mixes, with a random 80s song thrown in every so often. <Random "Accidental" Announcements> (drinking noises) is that a grey cloud We are expecting some turbulence.. (sound of stick turning)