Shadvex's Story [PG-13]

“And then he said, ‘Same reason I let you live every other time, Vile; I have a mythical thing called patience!’” I finished. I looked at the four-maverick audience my story had gathered: Blaze Heatnix had fallen asleep, Storm Eagle was listening intently, and Chill Penguin and Flame Hyenard were trying to take each other’s heads off. Storm Eagle poked Blaze Heatnix until he woke up. “He’s done talking, you pile of crud,” he said. “Whatever,” he muttered. “Can I go now?” “Yes,” answered Storm Eagle, “But I can’t see what you would have to do. We’re not going to be called for a mission, you know. We have the day off, remember?” “We should all go for a walk,” I said randomly. “Was that to be interpreted as ‘We should drown Flame Hyenard’?” asked Storm Eagle. “A walk?” Flame Hyenard asked, still holding Chill Penguin back. “I would much rather- BURN TO THE GROUND!- stay here. Besides, walking- BURNS YOU TO THE GROUND!- wastes your energy.” “Y’know,” Blaze Heatnix whispered, “For once he has a point.” “The point that walking burns you to the ground? Honestly, I’ve done quite a bit of wandering around the forest, and the worst that ever happened was me getting a papercut on my nose,” I said. “Reploids can get papercuts?” Storm Eagle asked. “That’s what I said,” I retorted. “I don’t see why it would be something to bother with, taking the time to add the ability to get papercuts.” “Do you have any idea how much sense you just made?” asked Blaze Heatnix. “How much?” “None.” “Do you even care?” “Good point. No, I don’t.” I got up from where I was sitting. “Okay, well, I’m going to go roll around outside like a numbnut,” I said. “If anyone wants to join me in being a numbnut you can.” I went outside, and, true to my word, threw myself onto the ground and started rolling around. After what seemed to be a few minutes. I heard someone come outside to watch. “...What are you doing?” asked Storm Eagle after staring at me for a few minutes. Or maybe a few seconds. How should I know? “What I said I would do,” I said. “Rolling around like a numbnut.” “The day is over,” Sigma announced. “Return to your rooms. You have one minute to get to your room and talk with your roommate before the lights go out.” “Oh come on…” I whined, getting up to go find Blaze Heatnix. The new alarm that just had to be under my mattress went off, and I woke up with a bark, narrowly avoiding hitting the ceiling. “Blaze Heatnix, Chill Penguin, Sting Chameleon, and Flame Mammoth, come to Sigma’s office for your mission,” Sigma announced. “Make sure Chill Penguin doesn’t kill you,” I called. “Whatever,” Blaze Heatnix muttered, exiting the room. Storm Eagle was waiting for me outside. “When do you wake up, anyways?” I asked. “It takes, like, twenty minutes to get here from your room.” “More like forty-five seconds,” he corrected. “Come on, we should retreat to the training room before Flame Hyenard finds us.” He paused for a moment. “Actually...” “Hmm?” I said, glancing over at him with curiosity. Storm Eagle gave a sly grin. “I’m sure Sigma won’t mind if we go Maverick Hunter hunting.” I stared, dumbfounded. “But Vile... and pickles... and...” It occurred to me that I was spouting nonsense. I then found what I wanted to say. “You never seemed like the kind of person to just randomly break rules for no reason.” Storm Eagle shrugged. “Every Maverick breaks a rule at some point in their life, it’s natural behavior.” “Two and a half years and I still don’t fully understand you guys.” “That’s normal,” Storm Eagle said. “Come on, we should go find someone to murder before Flame Hyenard or Vile finds us or something.” He started walking towards the forest. “Okay, sure, whatever,” I said, following him. Storm Eagle paused for a moment. “Are... Are you turning into Blaze Heatnix?” “No idea,” I replied. We wandered through the forest for a while. “Geez, there’s usually at least two of them wandering around this time of day...” muttered Storm Eagle. “Maybe today’s their donut day,” I said with a shrug. “That’s possible, but you’d think at least one of them would randomly decide to skip that to wander out here to terrorize the squirrels or something.” “...Terrorize the squi- Holy Altair we’re both idiots,” I said abruptly. “How so?” “We’ve been talking, in a forest, loud enough so that neither of us would hear it if someone decided to sneak up on us.” I turned around, and what I saw would have made me wet my pants if I were capable of doing that. Storm Eagle tried to say something, perhaps a warning or instructions to run and not stop, but it was far too late. The next thing I knew, the Maverick Hunter I had encountered those two and a half years ago had rushed at Storm Eagle in a blur of red and yellow, his energy saber no more than a neon green flash cutting through the air. Its path was intercepted by Storm Eagle’s chest. Had I not realized I would be next, I probably would’ve suffered the same fate. I took no hesitation and ran in the opposite direction. After about forty-five seconds or so of haphazardly charging through the underbrush, I decided to retreat to the cover of a nearby tree. I don’t know how long I hid there, to be honest. After a while, I finally jumped down from the tree and cautiously walked back to the place where we had encountered Zero. What I saw was both surprising and yet not at the same time, but neither of those things took away from the horror. Shaking slightly, I crouched down next to Storm Eagle, who was lying on the ground, looking quite dead. “Are... are you still alive?” I asked, knowing how stupid of a question it was. “Just barely...” I couldn’t find any words to reply with. I just sat there, shaking with a mixture of multiple feelings, of which included rage, fear, and a few other things that would fit in a sappy sad movie from 20XX. “Look, Shadvex,” he said with great effort. “Don’t let this get you down. It’s the fate that awaits all of us. Every Maverick is doomed to death some day. It’s what happens when your life is about fighting for what you believe in most.” “But-” “It’s simply the way it goes. It’s an endless cycle of life and death until the day comes that we won’t continue functioning no matter what’s done and become another contribution to the scrap heap. It’s nothing more than a way of life for us. But our sacrifices bring us ever closer to winning this war. No matter how hard others resist, we keep pushing with greater strength. It’s either give it everything you’ve got, or get out.” I would have liked nothing more than go back in time and make it so that this had never happened. I was legitimately on the verge of mental breakdown. “Go on, Shadvex...” muttered Storm Eagle as the last of his life drained away. “Continue fighting without me.” I'm not sure what happened after that. My life had simply become another obstacle to overcome. I must have spent days there. Maybe even weeks. When I returned to the base, I was corrupted. More corrupted than I already had been. And then I snapped.

I walked back to the base. The first person I ran into was Sigma. “Ah, Shadvex, there you are,” he said. “Where’s Storm Eagle? “Shut up,” I said coldly, walking past him. “I’m looking for Flame Hyenard.” After a few minutes of storming around, I finally found him. “There you are,” I snarled as I walked towards him, slowly reaching behind my back. Flame Hyenard turned his head towards me. “Oh, hi- BURN TO THE GROUND!- Shadvex, how’s it- What are you doing?” Next thing I knew, I had tackled him to the ground and was attempting to brutally murder him, all the while screaming like an insane madman. I turned my head at the sound of multiple people entering the room. Apparently the sound of Flame Hyenard’s howling caught people’s attention. “Shadvex!” said a voice I recognized as Vile’s. ”What are you doing?!” “SHUT UP!” I snarled, turning towards him. This time, he had the sense to keep his mouth shut for a while. Which is sad, because I would have loved to kill him right then and there. Much to my surprise, he actually turned and ran. I went back to killing Flame Hyenard. Once I was sure he was dead, I got up and looked around to find my next victim. Everyone else had long since fled the room. I would have to hunt down the next future dead torso. The next person I encountered was Spark Mandrill. “You’re next,” I growled, with a maniacal smile, crouching slightly in preparation to launch myself at his head and slash it to pieces. He turned to run, but it was far too late. One of my knives pierced his neck, the other went through the back of his head. His shriek was cut short as his body fell limp. I dashed away to find my next victim. The next person I encountered was Infinity Mijinion. We had talked a few times over the year. He was a pretty cool guy, but that didn’t matter when I was brutally slashing him to pieces. He managed to scramble away, but it didn’t matter. He would probably die later somehow. There was a sound coming from one of the rooms. I turned my head to see which one it came from. I crept closer to the door. The sounds of two people having a conversation in loud whispers could be heard. “...Dude, don’t you know how dangerous it is to confront him? Just look what he did to Flame Hyenard.” “Well, he killed Spark Mandrill. You can’t just kill one of the original eight without the other seven coming after you with flamethrowers and axes!” “Six,” the other person corrected. “Storm Eagle isn’t here right now. And besides, we don’t have flamethrowers and axes.” “We could go find some...” “Where would Sigma be hiding a giant pile of axes and flamethrowers?” I grew bored of listening to them speak, so I barged in and stabbed one of them. It had been Sting Chameleon and Armored Armadillo speaking. Sting Chameleon had escaped and scrambled out the window, and Armored Armadillo through the door. I gave a growl of frustration and went off to find the next victim. While dashing down a corridor, I ran into and nearly tackled to the ground a very panicky looking Overdrive Ostrich. Overdrive Ostrich proceeded to freak out, sputtering things like “Get off!” and “You wouldn’t murder a bird, you’re friends with two of them!”. This only ticked me off more than I already was, so you can probably guess what happened to him afterwards. He died, by the way. Well, I stabbed him about twenty times and bashed his head on a random wall forty-seven times then left him to die a slow horrible painful death. Still not content with the amount of dead torsos, I continued running down the corridor. It was getting warmer. As I turned a corner, Blaze Heatnix tackled me to the ground and I immediately kicked him in the face. I grabbed one of his wings and tore it off in a rage. Next thing I knew, I was having my face forcefully bashed against a wall. It took a few seconds, but I fell unconscious. I woke up in a small and brightly lit room. I looked around and noticed I had been tied to a chair by my arms. A box of donuts was sitting a few inches away from my face. I forced myself to sit up. Right in front of me, where my head had been seconds before, was a small puddle of dried oil. I highly doubt my nose is still functional, I thought. It’s probably broken or something... I then turned to focus on the box of donuts. Without thinking of any potential consequences, I wriggled one of my arms free, tore off the lid and grabbed one of the donuts inside. An alarm went off, and Boomer Kuwanger stuck his head into the room. “Quiet down in there, will you?” he said. “Making sure you don’t get out is hard enough without Vile breathing down my neck.” “Let me tell you about food,” I said with a donut in my mouth. He sighed. “Alright. Let me hear it.” We then proceeded to have a very nice conversation about cheese. We had gotten to the point in the conversation where we had a food war over the best kind of cheese when Vile barged into the room. “What are you two doing?” he growled. “Boomer Kuwanger, I thought I told you to stay outsi-” “Shadvex is reasonably sane,” Boomer Kuwanger interrupted. He had chocolate frosting all over his face after I had managed to throw the open box at him. “We’ve been talking about food for a few minutes and he has shown no desire of wanting to take my head off.” “Probably because I’m tied to a chair,” I muttered. “Shush, you,” Boomer Kuwanger whispered. Me and Vile proceeded to have an intense staredown. I knew immediately that it was no use, as I would always be more intimidated of him than he would of me. After all, I still didn’t know if he even had a face. Eventually we stopped staring at each other. “My point still stands, Boomer Kuwanger,” growled Vile, “I told you to stay outside.” “What are you going to do about it, put me in the time-out corner?” retorted Boomer Kuwanger. “With that attitude, something much worse,” growled Vile. Meanwhile I had completely untied myself and turned the chair upside-down. When Boomer Kuwanger and Vile were done arguing and had enough time to pay attention to what I was doing, I had gotten comfortable under the chair. Vile stared at me. “Shadvex, what are you-” “I’m a professional ninja, I know what I’m doing,” I said from under the chair. “I highly doubt you could fit under here, what with that clunky miniature cannon machine gun thing you carry around on your shoulder.” Vile sighed and bashed his head against a wall. “The day you stop acting like a five-year old is the day I’ll burn my helmet...” “And that’ll be the day we discover whether or not you have a head. I should hurry with growing up so we can find out,” I said. He didn’t respond. “The day has ended. You have one minute to return to your rooms.” “Okay, great,” I said, wriggling out from under the chair and getting up to leave the room. Boomer Kuwanger started dragging me out of the room. “No, he’s staying here,” snarled Vile, giving both of us the death glare. Boomer Kuwanger immediately released his grip on me, looking like he was about to oil leak in his pants. “Yes, sir,” he said, struggling to sound calm. “But-” I said, ready to argue. Then I realized that Vile was probably struggling to not rip my head off and any further aggravation would prompt him to strike. And since Sigma was probably putting on his fuzzy pink bathrobe, he wouldn’t be there to save my rear from certain death. After all, the chance of victory against Vile were slim. He was designed to be a war machine. I was originally meant to be a companionship reploid. “Fine,” I whined, sitting down on the floor. Vile elbowed Boomer Kuwanger out of the room, then shut off the lights and locked the door. I had just finished eating the remains of the donuts when I heard footsteps in the hall. “Probably Sigma coming to rescue me or some crud,” I muttered under my breath as I scooted to the corner. Then I realized that they sounded too heavy to be Sigma’s, and yet they sounded nothing like Vile’s either. I was trying to figure out who it was when the door opened slightly, the person threw a pillow into the room, then closed the door without locking it. I sat in stunned silence for a few minutes. Then, without thinking, I buried my face in the pillow and fell asleep.

Years passed. I recovered from my rampage, and life continued as normal. They did manage to recover a good of Storm Eagle’s remains, but it would take a long time to repair him- He wasn’t exactly in an amount of pieces you could count on two hands, and it wasn’t really top priority. I had finished training with Blaze Heatnix- it was a regular Monday, just after the donuts had been distributed. “You didn’t get any donuts,” I stated. “Don’t care,” he muttered. I had taken a good seven donuts, just as I usually did. I couldn’t explain why it is I love donuts so much, I just do. We passed by Boomer Kuwanger on our way outside. He accidentally bumped into Blaze Heatnix, causing his left wing to shift slightly to the right and me to wince slightly. Blaze Heatnix glanced at me. “Quit with the whining, that was so long ago probably only me, you, and Sigma remember it happened.” I stuck a donut on his beak. He took it off and put it on one of the spikes on my helmet. I threw it at Boomer Kuwanger. “CATCH IT, BOOMY KUWANGER!” I shouted much more loudly than I should have. “I thought only my grandma could call me that!” Boomer Kuwanger yelled. “...What’s a grandma?” I asked. “Why do I have to explain this to you?” “I don’t understand the majority of human terminology!” “...What’s a terminology?” “I have no idea what you’re talking about, and I don’t care.” Boomer Kuwanger was about to say something when Vile turned the corner into the hallway. Part of me wanted to run, the other part wanted to shoot him, the other other part wanted to take his helmet off and find out if he has a face or not, and the other other other part wanted to invite him over for tea. “Why would I want to invite Vile over for tea?” I asked myself. “What about inviting me over for tea?” “...How loud did I just say that?” “I’m not as deaf as you seem to idiotically think I am.” “You were pretty much yelling,” Boomer Kuwanger put in. I gave Boomer Kuwanger a look that pretty much said ‘Thanks for ratting me out, I’ll be meeting you in Hades’. It seemed to make him shut up. “What was that about idiots and tea?” said someone who had just entered the already full hallway. It was Sigma… Wearing a fuzzy pink bathrobe, his pet robot wolf at his heels. I opened my mouth to try and say something, breathed out, closed it, and gave up. “I have a feeling that I just died and the guardian of Hades is Sigma wearing a bathrobe,” said Blaze Heatnix. I had a feeling Vile was trying to say something but failing. Boomer Kuwanger turned around and walked away. I coughed. “Yeah, um… What was I going to do today?” The wolf was suddenly trying to eat me. “WEEHHHH!” I yelped, trying to shake it off. “SIGMA, CALL OFF YOUR BEAST DEMON CAT DOG!” “Velguarder, GET DOWN!” yelled Sigma. He jumped on Sigma’s head. Sting Chameleon and Armored Armadillo entered the hallway at the sound, but turned around and left when they saw me. “We should get going,” I said. Blaze Heatnix gave a slight nod. “Not so fast, you two don’t seem to be blue hedgehogs,” said an eerily familiar voice behind us. I turned around and my ventilation systems slowed down significantly. I think my processor might have broken a bit. “I’m not hallucinating, right?” Blaze Heatnix whispered. “...I can still hear you two,” Storm Eagle stated. I curled up on the ground and began to ponder my life. “Shadvex, Blaze Heatnix, Chill Penguin, and Storm Eagle, report to Sigma’s room immediately to receive your mission for the day.” I didn’t get up. I was still pondering what I had just seen, along with the rest of my life. Storm Eagle started dragging me and Blaze Heatnix to Sigma’s office. As we passed by some of the others, there were shocked whispers at Storm Eagle’s return. After about a minute, Storm Eagle dropped us in front of the door and kicked it open. Chill Penguin was already there. I still didn’t get up. I simply stayed curled up in front of the door, still wondering if I was having a hardcore hallucination. “Come on, get up,” said Storm Eagle. “You can’t tell me I returned from the dead to turn my best friend into a vegetable.” After a few moments, I finally got up, and said, “Have I died and gone to Maverick Hades yet?” “No, not yet, now get over here,” said Sigma. I walked over to his desk and missed the chair, landing on the ground with a muffled thunk. Sigma proceeded to tell us our mission anyways. I noticed he wasn’t wearing his bathrobe anymore. “Alright, this is a basic one. There’s a couple Hunters a little ways to the east, and we want you to eliminate them,” said Sigma. “Prepare for the worst case scenarios, and exercise caution.” Storm Eagle nodded briskly, standing up. He dragged Blaze Heatnix and me out of Sigma’s room into the hallway. “‘Prepare for the worst case scenarios’... What does that even mean?” I said. Storm Eagle shrugged. “We’ll find out when we get there,” he said simply. Once we got to the approximate location, we all crouched down in a clump of bushes. “Okay, what’s the plan?” I whispered. “Kill them,” Chill Penguin stated. “Other than that, there really isn’t a plan.” “That’s legit enough, I guess,” I said, getting up, along with everyone else. In the time it took us to have our five-second strategy talk, a certain red armored, blond haired Maverick Hunter had arrived on the scene. “Run.” Storm Eagle’s words were barely above a whisper. “No,” I growled, unsheathing my knives. “I’m getting the revenge I should have gotten three years ago.” Without thinking it through, I charged at Zero, whatever sanity I had regained snapping in two. In a flurry of neon green and steely gray, me and Zero engaged in the most intense battle to the death I had ever experienced. I didn’t even try to dodge his attacks. I just hacked and slashed away, trying to get in as much damage as possible before my inevitable demise. An off-center slash threw me off balance, and a follow up strike had me on the ground. I had already suffered severe damage and death was practically guaranteed at this point, but I tried to get up anyway, only to have another slash force me back down. Zero placed his right foot on my chest and raised his saber above his head for the finishing blow. “Any final words, you ruddy Maverick?” he snarled. I weakly shook my head and shut my eyes. The last words I whispered before my life systems and energy core shut off were ‘I’m sorry, Storm...’ BUT WAIT, THIS ISN’T ACTUALLY THE END

“Hello, Shadvex.” I opened my eyes to find a male human with grayish-blue eyes and flame red hair looking down at me. He appeared to be at least sixteen years old and and was smiling, as if greeting an old friend. Although he was multiple years older than then I last saw him, I recognized him almost immediately. “...Silver?” I said. “Aren’t… Aren’t I supposed to be dead?” “Well, yeah, but we performed an ancient Hylian revival ritual that involved a chicken, some cheese, a box of pencils, a book, a pack of printer paper, an NES, an emerald, and I have no idea what I’m talking about,” he said. I blinked at him. “Have you finally lost it?” I asked. “I lost it before you were even activated. The first time, I mean,” he replied. “Wait, so… You’re not even mad at me?” “You say that like you want me to be mad at you,” said Silver. “Why should I be mad at you?” “Well… I kind of just poofed without letting you know, so…” Silver shrugged. “You can make your own choices in life for a reason, I would’ve been disappointed if you just lived a basement dweller your whole life.” I was silent for a moment. Then I said, “You can’t honestly tell me you approved of what I’ve done.” “I’ve been neutral on this war for a reason,” he said. “For the past four years, anyways.” I got up. “Why am I always lying down when I wake up?” I asked as if it weren’t a stupid question. “Because it’s much easier to weld the green wire to the blue one that way,” said Silver. “Why would you do that?” Silver shrugged. “Do you want to go meet the four siblings you only started having four years ago or so now?” “I have siblings now? Four of them?” “Yep.” “I… Why would you do that?” Silver chuckled and gave a smile. And for the first time in many years, I returned it.

… … … Hello, reader. I congratulate you on getting this far. why not sit down for a random Q/A session with the authors? Try to make sense of the answers… And your life choices. Question: You know, the whole story seems kinda convoluted and all over the place, and not many things are actually explained. Is there a legit reason? Z-Flame: Well, this is kind of started as a backstory written for an RP, for people who would already know what was going on. After a while, the decision was made to make it a full-fledged Fanfiction, but we were already a few chapters in, so we never did end up explaining every last detail in depth, if that even counts as an answer. Cinder: We’re allergic to the letter L, that’s why. Question: Are you actually an Assassin’s Creed fan? Z-Flame: No, not really, Shadvex liking the series was sort of an inside joke between me and a few people I know. Cinder: What Z-Flame said. Question: SO I HERD U LEIK MUDPIPZ Z-Flame: … *leaves* Cinder: no Question: What is Shadvex’s deal, anyways? Z-Flame: Well, he’s not a human. Blame it all on faulty coding or something. Cinder: You can blame Silver for that. Also, pessimists are really fun to roleplay. Trust me, I have a lot of them. Question: Why is Silver glad Shadvex turned out a murderous psychopath instead of a basement dweller? Z-Flame: You don’t question the motives of crazy people Cinder: He’s insane Also Z-Flame once told me reploids could get sick. So eating donuts once a week is better than multiple a day right? Z-Flame: Roboenza was a thing you know Cinder: :L Question: Why is Vile such a snot? Z-Flame: Something something he’s mental. And I’m pretty sure that’s canon. Cinder: Why is Shadvex a snot? Your argument is invalid, purple people are pretty much always snots. Wait no there was Storm Eagle Question: YUNOKEEPTOCANONPERSONALITIES AZ-Flame: Because. Have you seen Blaze Heatnix’s canon personality? Question: Isn’t this supposed to be pre-X7 or something? What is Velguarder doing here? Z-Flame: Uhm. … … … do you really think we took the canon seriously Cinder: We’re using X1 Vile and Sigma, your argument is invalid Z-Flame: That and we didn’t take the canon seriously. Now, I’m going to fully charge this Rolling Shield before everybody comes after me with machine guns and energy sabers… Question: How did this get a PG-13 rating with all of this extreme knife murdering? Z-Flame: The same way Majora’s Mask got rated E. Cinder: Z-Flame is [probably too young to let everyone on the internet know even though they probably already figured it out], your argument is inva- *brick’d* While Cinder is unconscious, I’ll take over. My name is Hikari and I just knocked Cinder out with a brick to the head. I think I gave her a concussion. Oops. Z-Flame: OKAY THAT’S ENOUGH INTERNET FOR TODAY *burns computer to the ground* *curls up in corner mumbling something about giraffes* Question: What is this ending? Z-Flame: I wanted to make it as clear as possible that half of the FF was writing it, the other half was nothing but screwing around Cinder: The ending is great. Wait, let me explain it to the best of my knowledge. Zero killed Shadvex, in case that wasn’t obvious. The afterlife is a thing. Also, Shadvex’s siblings are called, in order of creation, Flame Roadrunner (Kasaius), Lightning Hawk (Jason), Icicle Falcon (Glacius), and Leaf Kestrel (Farore). ...We have an obsession with birds, okay? I mean, Z-Flame does. I’m just the co-writer. Z-Flame: Zero apparently had the mentality of ‘hey if Silver can get rid of the Maverick virus this guy would be a great hunter’ Actually he’d be a pretty lousy hunter since he’d probably lose all motivation to do anything but eat donuts and play Assassin’s Creed And he can get away with it since reploids don’t even gain weight Also we didn’t even get to see what Shadvex did in the afterlife Do reploids even have an afterlife Do they only go there when their core processor breaks completely Cinder: Shadvex locked himself in the basement. Go down that hallway, turn left, and it should be the seventh door to your right. But don’t go in or he’ll double-kill you and you won’t even get a chance to claim a room. No one double-dies without claiming a room first. That’s a rule of the afterlife. Go ahead, find an unoccupied room to waste your time in. Of course you died. Hadn’t you already guessed? Why don’t I show you around. But first, I’m sure you have more questions. Z-Flame: wat Q: Is Shadvex really a ninja? Z-Flame: No, not really. Cinder: Of course he isn’t. No, he’s a donut ninja assassin cat. Also a Violet Saberwing something. ...Hummingbird? Z-Flame: yep. the main character is a hummingbird. that’s it, everyone go home *cough* No but really Silver did take inspiration from watching a Violet Saberwing hummingbird lose its crud over a patch of lavender when designing Shadvex Question: Is there any deep way I should be interpreting this story? Z-Flame: You can think of it any way you want, but for best results, think of it as how it is: A ridiculous backstory for a ridiculous character written by two ridiculous people. ...Basically, don’t take it seriously like you take a book written by a certified author seriously. We’re not certified authors, people. We’re two people on the internet writing a story about a self-proclaimed maverick ninja assassin with an addiction to donuts. You really shouldn’t be taking this all that seriously in the first place. But hey, if you want to give a serious review anyways, go right ahead. We’ll keep it in mind for the next random thing. Cinder: What he said. Question: ZOMG TH1S SUX U PPL AR3 CRUD GO DI N HADES11!!!!!11!!1!!11one!!!!eleven!!11!! Z-Flame: k Cinder: … … … … o3 Z-Flame: Yeah, um, if you actually post something that looks like this I’m pretty sure that’s breaking the rules of having your comment be legible I mean It did hurt to type that Cinder: Yeah Question: How long did this take to write? Z-Flame: We would have gotten it done a lot sooner if we weren’t screwing around half the time. But I think we started mid-April. Cinder: In 2013. ...was it in 2013 i think it was Z-Flame: Um I think Shadvex’s perception of time is affecting you It was most definitely this year Shadvex didn’t even exist Mid-April last year Cinder: I never did know what order the months went in anyways no really i didn’t Hey, look! We got Shadvex out of the basement to answer some questions! Question: Hello, Shadvex. It’s an honor to speak with you in perso- Shadvex: *kills interviewer* Z-Flame: Shadvex, what did I say about killing the interviewer Shadvex: Oh come on, he had a ponytail. You know how I feel about guys with ponytails. Z-Flame: *sigh* Ciner: Shadvex, I told you not to double-kill people until they had rooms. You *know* there’s a rule about not having a room when you doubledie. Shadvex: You do realize what you’re talking to. Mavericks have no respect for rules. Also, why is there a piece of tape on my helmet? Cinder: Blame Silver for that. Or Z-Flame. Probably Z-Flame. Question: Err, okay. So… What’s being a Maverick like? Shadvex: ... … … Scroll up, about three chapters in or so. Maybe five. Question: ...I see. Why don’t you like taking off your helmet? Shadvex: Helmet hair problems. Question: Why not just brush your hair or something? Shadvex: Does it look like I have time to do something like that? Question: Err… Okay. Did you ever figure out why Vile hated you so much? Shadvex: Scroll up. Does it look like I figured it out anywhere? Question: ...Why are you such a snot? Shadvex: <creepylaugh>I have my reasons…</creepylaugh>

Random Brick Joke is Random “Actually, no,” I said, pulling the paper back out. “This thing is a jerk.” I threw the paper somewhere and continued my walk. Chapter 2: Waht Three More Donut-Filled Years Later “Right, right,” I muttered as Zero explained a plan he had. “So what do I do, wait around fo- Oof!” A paper ad rudely interrupted me by hitting me in the face. The spikes on my helmet punctured it. I now had a paper stuck to the back of my head. Because Shadvex Loves his Helmet. It could have been a lot worse- it could have knocked off my helmet, I thought. Invisible Black Holes like Donuts Before I could do that, the donut vanished from my hand into seemingly another dimension. “...What,” I said. ((me and z-flame tend to have our characters randomly join in conversations, one of mine stole the donut)) No Idea “Where the crud is it…?” I muttered. Despite having followed the map, I couldn’t find my destination. “Is there mud here? Walking is starting to get hard.” I looked up and found a wall. “Oh.” Vile is in a Pickle- Literally I am so screwed, I thought. So, so very screwed. Suddenly, the other reploid turned into a pickle. “...What the actual fudge,” I said. Do Pickle-Flavored Donuts Exist? Then suddenly the table in the room turned into a pile of pickles. As did the chairs. The Big, Fat, Filpin’ End. It turns out that was a bad idea, because the Maverick Army Base burned to the ground that very day. There Goes the Last Fraction of Logic in This FF “Also, we sent you from an alternate universe to be your roommate. Have fun with that.” “...You what?” I asked. Blaze Heatnix What did you Do After failing, I proceeded to die a slow horrible painful death. Don’t ask how I lived to tell this story. ((I don’t even know anymore)) And This is Why we Should all get our Knives from Shadvex At this point I just decided to take a knife out of the box and go on a frenzy. And then everyone died. The end. At This Point There Should be a Company That Fixes Broken Fourth Walls He grinned. Slightly. I don’t know how that works either. Don’t question it, and you might retain whatever shred of sanity you have left. Depending on who’s reading this. Wait, that breaks the fourth wall, doesn’t it? Eh, I don’t really care. Yes, I just pulled a Blaze Heatnix. Anyways. Back to the story. In case anyone’s still reading, which I highly doubt. Is This Becoming EoNiP? Cinder where did this Homestuck reference come from, I thought. Yes I realize I’m breaking the fourth wall but who cares? Suddenly a random Yveltal appeared. “IT WAS A HOMESTUCK SONG REFERENCE THERE’S A DIFFERENCE,” it shouted. Then it disappeared. And then suddenly a random reploid/phoenix/assassin/ninja thing with a toaster attached to its back appeared out of nowhere. “And stop breaking the fourth wall, we’re tired of fixing it even though you’ve only done it twice,” he said before vanishing. “...What just happened,” I asked. “Obviously the story’s being taken over by the SPIRIT OF OBSIDIAN,” a random Absol randomly said, randomly. “It’s only illogical.” ((ObsidianBlack555 was the temporary editor for some time. Yes, I just said temporary editor for some time.)) What Happen “...Do either of the authors have any idea on what they’re doing anymore?” asked Storm Eagle. “Probably not,” I said. “Probably not.” An Yveltal appeared. “Stop breaking the fourth wall, we’re running out of super glue!” Then she disappeared. “Wait, super glue? You don’t put walls together with super glue…” Storm Eagle said. “Don’t worry, they’ve done that before.” I said. vile ste us up the bmob I tried to make a run for it, but I was far too late. The last thing I remember before I died a slow horrible death was the sound of Vile’s cold, insane laughter. ((do i look like i have any idea what i’m doing i don’t)) well okay And then suddenly Vile exploded. I sighed. “Z-Flame, when are you going to focus on writing the actual story and not stuff that goes into the insanity section?” Like every other time, the random reploid with the toaster turtle shell thingy teleported into the room. “Be quiet, you,” it said. “Writing takes effort, why can’t we have our fun?” The End I gave a growl of frustration and randomly exploded. The end. ...That’s it, folks. There’s nothing else to see here. The main character’s dead. Go do something else. It’s not like an epilogue or some kind of explanation will appear out of nowhere if you stare at the screen long enough. He Needs to Stop Breaking the Fourth Wall Clearly the authors weren’t going to let me kill one of the original eight. “Stop breaking the fourth wall!” the random Yveltal shouted. “The day I find you,” I snarled, “Is the day you- mrpH!” Out of nowhere, the random phoenix-assassin-toaster thing came and shoved a donut in my mouth. “Now go to bed and think about what you’ve done,” he said before teleporting away. Because Logic A very panicky looking ...Z-Flame are you paying any attention right now “Go to bed, you.” I guess not. I’ll just sit here suspended in mid-air not even knowing who it is I’m supposed to be killing. More Logic and ran into and ran into Guys what are you doing “Shut up, I’m trying to watch stuff on YouTube and it’s hard enough without you breathing down my neck.” Remind me again why we had to have Z-Flame in charge “Go to bed, you.” Logic Still not content with the amount of dead torsos, I continued running down the corridor and ran into… Ran into… Holy Altair… A random reploid. Oh. They died. And so did everyone else. Blaze Heatnix is a sneaky crud Next thing I knew, Blaze Heatnix had stolen my helmet and my pants were on fire. I warned them about stares. I told them, guys. And they DIDN’T LISTEN. “My point still stands, Boomer Kuwanger,” growled Vile, “I told you to stay outside.” “What are you going to do about it, put me in the time-out corner?” retorted Boomer Kuwanger. They proceeded to have an intense staredown, and everyone exploded. Yes, that is my head that just landed on your doormat. No, the crystal on my helmet isn’t extremely valuable. velguarder what are you doing “WEEHHHH!” I yelped, trying to shake it off. “SIGMA, CALL OFF YOUR BEAST DEMON CAT DOG!” “Velugarder, GET DOWN!” yelled Sigma. The wolf jumped off of my leg and proceeded to have a mid-air seizure. Sigma facepalmed. “No, you stupid wolf, not that kind of get down. What do you think you are, a 20XX YouTube dweller?” “Sigma, I don’t think letting your pet go on the internet is a good idea…” I said. Sigma sighed. “He must be going online while I’m asleep, he’s practically a ninja.” “...Ninja cat?” I said. STORM EAGLE WHAT HAVE YOU DONE YOU KILLED THE MAIN CHARACTER “Not so fast, you two don’t seem to be blue hedgehogs,” said an eerily familiar voice behind us. I turned around and promptly had a processor crash. And died. “I’m no- Oh crud, call the repair guy,” Blaze Catnip said. “Wait, Blaze Catnip?” wel One of the spikes on my helmet poked through it. The door promptly exploded. “I didn’t know doors followed Mega Man X physics,” said Storm Eagle. “We’re in Post X7 right now, shut up before the toaster finds us,” said Blaze Heatnix. There was suddenly a waffle eating pie sitting on all three of us. “Too late,” muttered Storm Eagle.

So we're pretty much done here. Hope you guys enjoyed this story, and feel free to like, comment, rate, subscribe- Oh wait... ...This isn't YouTube. Oh well. Feel free to leave a comment/rating/review/whatever. I'll just go get this moved to completed FF and add a poll or twelve.