Shadvex's Story [PG-13]

“Guh...” I muttered as I woke up. Wait... I wasn’t sleeping, I thought. Where am I, anyways? I lifted my head and looked around at my surroundings. I appeared to be in a dimly lit room. To my left was a monitor with some incomprehensible information on the screen, to my right was a wall. “Sorry to keep you waiting!” someone said as they walked into the room. The person had bluish-gray eyes and fiery red hair that was spiked straight back. His outfit consisted of a red and gray zip-up jacket, dark gray pants, and even darker gray hiking boots. He also appeared to be at least eleven years old, and was carrying a screwdriver and an NES controller. I blinked in slight confusion. “Uhm...?” “You probably have a massive crud ton of questions for me, I’ll go ahead and answer most of them. My name is Silver Argentus Kirozon. You are one of my creations, a sentient robot capable of thinking for himself named Shadvex. Any more questions? Oh, and you can get up now.” “...I’m a what?” I asked confusedly. I sat up. “A sentient robot capable of thinking for himself. Or a reploid, if that’s a mouthful.” “...What did you say my name was?” “Shadvex. Shadvex Phantonimus Kirozon. Don’t question how your middle name was thought of.” “...Huh,” I said. “I like that.” I came to another realization. “Wait, if I’m a robot, then I had to have been built by someone, but-” “Don’t sweat it, I know I’m 12 years old but I know how to do this crud,” said Silver. “Thank the goddesses of Hyrule, for they have given us ‘Reploid Building for Dummies’.” “...What,” I said. “Just- I don’t- What...” “Sorry, I shouldn’t be trying to give you a massive headache. It’d be a shame if your head broke after I spent a good year and a half putting your crud together,” said Silver. “...Why would you even want to do that in the first place?” I asked. Silver paused for a moment. “You know,” he said, “That’s a really good question.” “Great, now I’m rethinking the entire purpose I exist in the first place,” I muttered. “Technically, you weren’t built for a specific purpose,” said Silver. “Reploids are essentially free to do whatever the ever living crud they want.” “So... Does that mean that my life is already a lie?” I asked, tilting my head much like a confused puppy would. “...Dude, you’ve barely been activated for 5 minutes. When I was 5 minutes old, I wasn’t wondering if my life was a lie, I was wondering why I was so got dang hungry, if I could even form a coherent thought at all,” said Silver. “But you know, that’s not important.” “Uh... Okay, then?” I said, confused. “So... Yeah. That’s essentially all there is to say. For now, anyways,” Silver said. He reached under the table. “Oh, one last thing,” he said, pulling out a helmet. It was purple and gray, with a green gemstone shaped like a diamond on the front part of the top. “This is yours,” he said, handing it to me. I noticed that it had rather sharp spikes on it. I couldn’t quite figure out how in the ever living crud he got them on there without getting wounded. But who was I to care? It looked awesome.

1 donut filled year later “LEAP OF FAITH!” I shouted, as Ezio was jumping off a building into a haycart. It had only took me about 30 minutes after my activation to become obsessed with Assassin’s Creed. I remembered that day like yesterday, which was weird, seeing as I could also remember that I had beaten this game for the twentieth time yesterday. But truth be told, I was getting bored. Sure, doing the Leap of Faith every so often was fun, but I was pretty sure that by this point, I could beat the game in an hour blindfolded. Then again, the blindfold would probably get torn to shreds by the spikes on my helmet, just like everything else that came into contact with the back of my head. Of course, taking off my helmet isn’t something I like to do. It’s kind of the opposite, really. All helmet issues aside, though, the more I thought about it, the more I realized I was getting tired of a lot of things in my life. Even donuts were losing their awesomeness. Truth be told, I pretty much knew I had to do something else with my life. Problem was, though, I didn’t exactly know what to do with it. It was only a matter of time before I turned the corner to Insanity Street. Boredom does things to a person. Really weird things. Things that may even be weirder than jumping off buildings into haycarts and having a diet that consists of nothing but donuts. “I’m going for a walk,” I announced as I scooped up my communicator and headed for the elevator. “Alright, try not to get lost. The woods get really scary at night.” said Silver. “I once got lost and a rabid wolf tried to murder me. Good thing I’m good at climbing trees.” I paused in front of the elevator. “...What?” I said. “You don’t need to worry about that, Reploids don’t get rabies... I think,” said Silver. “At least, I hope not.” “You... You’re joking, right?” I asked, turning my head towards Silver. “Maybe. Maybe not.” He gave a lopsided grin. “That’s pretty much up to you to decide.” I shuddered and pushed the button that made the elevator door open. Don’t worry, I thought, He’s just kidding. Reploids can’t contract rabies. The moment I stepped outside the elevator, a paper being blown around in the wind tried to kill me. “Gah!” I yelped as the paper hit my face. I folded it and shoved it my pocket. “Dang it, is everything out to kill me now?” I muttered. I decided I’d have a look at it later, but for now I had to go drown myself in a pile of leaves. “Wait, it’s not even Autumn,” I thought aloud. “It’s late Spring. Wow, I really don’t seem to have a very good sense of the passing of time.” I continued on my walk, reflecting on some of the things that that occurred over the past year. Some of those memories weren’t all that great, like the time I had tried to play a Legend of Zelda game and failing miserably. Some of them were immensely enjoyable to revisit, such as the one of beating Assassin’s Creed 2 for the first time. Then there were the memories that I wished I could throw into a trash bin like a used pillow and forget about, like the time I had gotten goosed through the eye with a screwdriver. I tried to force that back into the corner it came from, but with no success. A shudder ran down my metal spine as memory of the incident resurfaced. Silver had once been carrying a giant pile of stuff to another room once, and then he tripped on an NES controller and fell, ending with me getting stabbed in the eye with a screwdriver. “Well, it could have ended a whole lot worse,” I said. I noticed the sun was setting. “Dang, does time really go that fast, or is my perception of time screwed up to the point of no return?” I muttered. “...Probably both.” I headed back to the lab. “I’m back,” I announced as I walked into the lab. “And don’t worry, I didn’t get murdered or chased by a wolf with rabies, or anything you didn’t want me to do.” “That’s good,” said Silver. “Oh, wait, you have a paper cut on your nose.” “...I can get paper cuts?” I asked. “Why is that a thing that happens?” “No idea,” he replied. “Don’t worry, though, I can do something about that.” I noticed that he was holding a screwdriver. “That thing is a dangerous weapon and I don’t trust it in your hands,” I randomly blurted out. “Or anyone’s hands, for that matter.” Silver gave a slight chuckle. “Still hating on screwdrivers?” he asked. “Yes. Yes, I am,” I replied with a shudder. “Y’know, it’s kind of getting a bit late.” “Huh? It’s barely 7 o’clock.” replied Silver. “Wait, what?” I said. “Alright, what’s screwed up here, my perception of time, or the flow of time itself...?” I sat down in front of the TV to play Assassin’s Creed 2. “What did I need to do in this game again? Oh yeah, the that thing. Whatever that means.” After a while, I finally glanced down at my watch. “...Holy flipping crud, how did I not realize I’ve been doing this for 4 hours?” I said. “I really should get to bed.” I randomly started wondering how many pillows I’ve murdered over the one year or so I’ve been alive. “...Probably a lot.” I saved the game, shut the system off, and wandered off to my room. As I walked in, I glanced at the pillow I was currently using. “...This thing looks almost dead,” I muttered. “Perhaps I should spare its life and actually take off my helmet tonight.” I thought about it for a moment. I glanced back at the pillow and sighed. “You win this round, pillow. But someday, SOMEDAY, I will kill you.” I took off my helmet and set it on the nightstand, then flopped over on my bed.

My sleep was rudely interrupted by the lamp on my nightstand that always turned on at the same time every morning. A lot of my mornings started out like this. Actually, scratch that, all of them did. “Why in the blazing name of Din does thing thing even exist?!” I snarled, cracking an eye open. I started to roll out of bed, then realized that my helmet had fallen off the nightstand and had landed on the ground, spiked-side up. I grabbed the pillow as a shield as I fell off the bed. I survived with no injury, fortunately, but my shield wasn’t quite as lucky. I inspected the pillow, which had had eight more holes poked in it by my helmet. “Pretty sure that’s a record, I only started using this, what, last week?” I muttered, shoving the pillow in my trash can, where the remains of every other pillow I had used within the last month were. I gave a large yawn and headed for the closet to get another pillow. I grabbed one and threw it on the bed, then trotted over to the mirror to ensure that my helmet was perfectly straight when I put it on. I always thought that the combination of dark purple hair and green eyes was really weird. So naturally, that’s exactly what I’m stuck with. Not that I really minded, anyways. Even by reploid standards I didn’t have the most normal of appearances. Most of that was due to the fact that my boots only reached to about halfway to the middle of my forelegs, whereas other reploid’s boots go to their knees and are bigger than their head. At least, that’s what Silver said. The rest of my armor wasn’t quite normal, either. My chest armor, which was purple, dark gray, and black, wasn’t quite as thick as it was on other reploids. The armor on my forearms, which was purple and black, weren’t as wide in diameter as was normal. After getting my helmet and putting in on, I continued playing Assassin’s Creed 2... After dragging myself out of my room to the living room and getting myself in front of the TV. At that moment, Silver walked into the room. “Shadvex, do you know what day it is?” he asked. “May thirteenth,” I replied, not averting my stare from the TV screen. “Dude, it’s your birthday,” Silver said. “You somehow managed to not explode into little bits of crud for a whole year.” “Wait, what? A year? It feels like I’ve been doing this crud for an entire lifeti- Wait...” Silver gave a chuckle. “Horrendous perception of time, much?” he asked. “Indeed,” I said with a sigh. I felt something poking into my side, and realized it was the paper I had put in my pocket earlier. “Oh, by the way, here’s a thing,” said Silver, giving me a chocolate covered donut with a candle stuck in it. “I’ve always thought that cake was overrated anyways.” “Thanks,” I said, accepting it. I didn’t quite have the heart to tell him that I was losing my fondness for donuts. “You know, I’m just going to slink off to my room to eat this... So, yeah.” I followed my word and slinked off to my room. I sat down on my bed, took out the paper, unfolded it, and read what it said. “Interesting, interesting...” I muttered. Then I got to the part that said ‘Free Donuts on Mondays’. I facepalmed. “When will I ever escape the donuts...” I thought aloud as I went to throw the paper away. Then I stopped. You know, maybe it isn’t that bad an idea, even if it does mean I’ll never escape the donuts, I thought. I looked at the paper again. “Stupidly fun, yet dangerous as crud... Sounds exactly like the kind of thing I’d get myself into. I do guess that means that joining this Maverick Army thing would be a perfect idea.” I turned the paper over and found a map to where the headquarters were. “Well, that’s just perfect,” I said with a slight smile. I glanced around, then stuffed the paper back into my pocket and left the room. “I’m going for a walk,” I announced. “And don’t worry, I’m not going to deliberately get myself murdered or anything of the sort.” Without waiting for a response, I slipped into the elevator.

“So this is where it is,” I said, staring into what appeared to be a giant abyss on the front side of a relatively small building. “Doesn’t seem like much. But how do I get in? Do I just walk in?” I thought for a moment. “Eh, it’s worth a shot.” It turned out that it was a very bad idea to walk into the Maverick Army Base without a donut or knife or any other weapon to protect you. Because the next thing I knew, I was being dragged down a hallway that slanted downwards by the back of my chest armor by a purple-armored reploid with what appeared to be a cross between a small cannon and a machine gun on his shoulder. I took a few seconds to try and put together what just happened. Me trying to get in must’ve tripped some kind of alarm, alerting whoever this guy was to my presence. Because of this, he more than likely now wanted me dead, and was now dragging me to wherever he was going to murder me at. I considered finding a way to break his grip and getting out of here, but then realized that that would probably only tick him off even more, and doing that would only increase the chances of him wanting to kill me. Basically, do the exact opposite of what I think I should do? You have done well, myself, I thought. I decided on waiting until whoever this guy was finished dragging me to wherever he was going to drag me, seeing as I essentially had no other option. After what seemed like an eternity and a half, but probably only a few minutes, we finally got to wherever it was he wanted us. Once he had released his grip on me, I glanced around. We appeared to be in a dimly lit room with one table and a chair on either side of it in the center of it. The other reploid had taken a seat in one of the chairs. ...I assume I should plunk down in the other one, I thought, getting up and sitting down in it. “Explain how you found this place and what your business here is,” he growled as I sat down. The fact that I couldn’t see his face made it even more unsettling to answer than it already was. I realized that the thing poking into my side was a donut. I took it out of my pocket, and started eating it, just to help calm myself down. “You’re already demanding an answer and you haven’t introduced yourself or asked for my name. Smooth,” I said. “My name is Vile,” the other reploid growled in annoyance. “Fair enough. My name is Shadvex, and I got here because someone left an ad lying around that I happened to come across that just so happened to have walking directions to here. And I come with the full intent of joining you guys.” I explained, trying my hardest to hide how unnerved I was. I paused, and added for extra measures, “Whether you like it or not.” I took the paper ad out of my pocket and slapped it on the table. Vile completely ignored the ad. “A likely story! Someone willingly joining us is something that has a zero percent chance of happening!” “Correction,” I said, “There is a point zero one percent chance that it could happen, because it did happen. Right now.” “If you knew what was good for you, you’d be making a run for it right now. Now get out before I have to call in Sigma,” said Vile. I snickered. “Make me.” “Very well then,” growled Vile. He pulled out a communicator and said “Sigma, I-” “Don’t care,” said whoever was on the other side of the line. “Headed there anyways.” “Very well then,” said Vile, putting the communicator away. Within a few minutes, another reploid entered the room. It took all of my willpower to not start snickering. The first thing I noticed was his lack of a helmet- and hair. For whatever reason, that was almost preventing me from taking this guy seriously. Then I noticed that his small blue eyes lacked pupils. Suddenly, everything tied together in a symphony of terrifyingness. He was practically Fierce Deity Link with blue eyes instead of white eyes. “Commander Sigma,” said Vile, “I need help dealing with this stubborn incompetent fool.” “Hey, it’s not my fault you won’t accept help when it’s presented to you on a silver platter,” I said. “Besides, being a jerk about the whole thing, like this guy, probably isn’t the best tactic to get people to join your group.” “...You know, you really have a good point, there. You’re more intelligent than you look,” said Sigma. I suppressed a snort. “Wow, what a way to convince people to join,” I said sarcastically. “Has it ever occured to you that, I don’t know, maybe this attitude you guys have is the reason you never get anyone that wants to join you?” My comment was followed by an awkward silence. ...Why do I have the feeling that I just guaranteed my death? I thought. Actually, I probably did. I cleared my throat, only slightly weirded out by the fact that reploids can do that. “So,” I asked, “Am I accepted or are you going to kill me now?” “...We’re killing you,” said Vile. “An incompetent fool like you will only slow us down.” “Vile, since when was it your place to decide things like this?” Sigma questioned. “Anyways,” he said, now addressing me, “You’re accepted, as long as you don’t screw up. Consider this training mode.” “Training mode of what game?” I asked. “...Actually, you heard nothing.” “...Right,” muttered Vile. “FLAME HYENARD, GET YOUR REAR OVER HERE, NOW!” he yelled. A few minutes later, a bipedal hyena-like reploid walked in. “What is it?” he asked. “We have a new recruit. Show him around, please,” said Vile. “Yessir,” said Flame Hyenard. He then glanced towards me. “Come- BURN TO THE GROUND!- with me, please,” he said, motioning for me to follow him. I could already tell that this was not going to end well, but reluctantly followed him anyways. “So,” he explained as we walked into an extremely large room, “This is where most of everybody- BURNS TO THE GROUND!- spends their time when not on missions.” Practically everyone in the room turned their head to look at us. I sighed. “I knew this wasn’t going to end well,” I muttered. “Come- BURN TO THE GROUND!- along, I gotta show you the training room,” said Flame Hyenard, walking off in the other direction. I am seriously starting to wish I were murdered instead, this is just humiliating, I thought. “Here we- BURN TO THE GROUND!- are,” said Flame Hyenard, shoving open a door. The room was abandoned, except for a purple armored eagle-like reploid leaning against a wall, staring off into blank space. “Oh, hello- BURN TO THE GROUND!- Storm Eagle,” said Flame Hyenard. “I was just showing the new recruit around.” Storm Eagle glanced at us. “Right,” he said. “you know, I kind of like showing new recruits around, so if I could take over from here, that’d be great.” “Oh, that’s not a- BURN TO THE GROUND!- problem,” said Flame Hyenard. Storm Eagle nodded. “Come along now, you,” he said, motioning for me to follow him. “There’s no doubt a lot of stuff left to cover.” After we were out of earshot, Storm Eagle looked around, then said, “I’d love to murder whoever thought having him as a tour guide was a good idea. He’s the last person who should be a tour guide!” “Go kill the purple guy with the machine gun cannon thingy, then. Why do I think that if you hadn’t rescued me from that crud, I’d be humiliated to the point of everyone staying the crud away from me?” I asked. “That’s what happened to the last recruit we had,” he said. “Oh yeah, there’s this one guy that doesn’t have a roommate, so we’re probably just going to lump you two together.” “...My new roommates’ name is This One Guy? I already feel sorry for him,” I said. He said nothing. “...What?” “You’re completely clueless.” He paused. “Either that, or you just have a really screwed up sense of humor. Anyways, there’s really nothing more to cover that’s important to you now, so feel free to explore or introduce yourself to some of our other members or something.” “....That includes my roommate, right?” I asked. “No, you just barge into his room and say ‘Sup, I’m your new roommate and there’s nothing you can do about it’ and then run.” “...And then watch as my core processor crashes hardcore when he incinerates me?” “Pretty much.” “Yeah... No,” I said. “I’d much rather properly introduce myself and then get out alive.” A/N

After another half of a day spent doing this human thing called ‘socializing’, walking around, and other various things “The day is over,” Sigma announced over the loudspeaker I may have not realized existed. “Return to your rooms. You have one minute to get to your room and talk with your roommate before the lights go out.” “Holy flipping crud, it’s the Pokemon Stadium announcer,” I said without realizing that nobody would get the outdated 20XX joke. After blankly staring at me for a few moments, Storm Eagle said “Alright, whatever. Here, let me drag you off to your room.” “I legitimately feel like you’re dragging me to an incineration chamber,” I said, allowing him to drag me to my room. “About that...” he said, continuing to drag me to my room. After a few minutes, he stopped and dropped me on the tile floor. I proceeded to hit my face. “That took a long time,” I said. “That was only, like, thirty seconds,” he retorted. “But then again, you should be used to never being right about time.” “True,” I agreed. “Anyways, good luck with your new roommate,” he said. “You’ll probably need it.” “Wait, what?” Storm Eagle had already disappeared. I shuddered, wondering what he meant by than, then opened the door and stepped inside the room. The first thing that hit me was how hot it was inside. Well, I can’t actually feel it. But my internal thermometer did tell me that it was hotter than the average room temperature. A lot hotter. “Pickles,” said the phoenix like reploid that happened to be occupying a chair to the side of the room. He was reading a book that was on fire that happened to be on fire. And there was a fire where my new roommate was sitting. “Uh... Hi,” I said. “I’m... Uh...” I stared at a wall blankly. “...Who am I again?” I asked. “Whoever you are, I don’t really care.” said the phoenix-like reploid. “What do you want?” “I’m your new roommate,” I said. “And there’s nothing you can do about it.” “Don’t care,” he said. “The name’s Blaze Heatnix.” “Oh yeah, my name is Shadvex,” I said. “Still don’t care,” Blaze Heatnix responded. “Top bunk’s yours, lights go out in 15 seconds.” He paused before adding, “Watch out for fire.” As if I needed a warning, I thought, attempting to climb the ladder up to the top bunk bed. After one of the rungs broke, I gave up and tried using my rocket boosters to get on to the bed. Fortunately, it worked. The lights went out just as I managed to grab onto the side of the bed. Actually, getting onto it didn’t prove to be much of a problem, either, as my night vision is pretty decent. The room was silent for a minute or two before I decided to say something. “Hey.” “What?” “Good night.” “Whatever.” Feeling slightly disappointed that he wanted absolutely nothing to do with me, I rolled over and fell asleep. The sunlight streaming in through the window the next morning was a signal that I should be waking up, so I rolled over... Only to find Blaze Heatnix staring at me. “Nyeh!” I barked, rolling off the bed and painfully landing on the floor. “Hm... maybe... just maybe... Maybe you’re more interesting than I thought...” said Blaze Heatnix. “Possibly interesting enough for me to care?” I groaned a bit, slightly at Blaze Heatnix’s comment, mostly at how much my back was aching. Okay, fine, an equal amount of both.

“Shadvex, Blaze Heatnix, Storm Eagle, and Flame Hyenard, report to Sigma’s room immediately to receive your mission for the day,” Vile growled over the loudspeaker. I scooted under Blaze Heatnix’s bunk, then poked my head out to see Storm Eagle entering the room. “Blaze Heatnix, if you don’t mind, tell Sigma that we’ll be running a bit late, we need to go do something rather important,” he said. “Whatever,” replied Blaze Heatnix. Storm Eagle motioned for me to follow him, then set off down the hall. I willingly got up to follow him. Once I managed to catch up, I said, “If Sigma kills us, I’m blaming all of it on you.” “I’m perfectly fine with that,” he replied matter-of-factly. I paused. “Do you happen to have any donuts on hand?” I asked, realizing I was regaining my addiction to donuts. I still don’t know if that was a good or a bad thing. “There are probably some extra ones from last Monday in my room, but that’s not what we’re here to do,” he replied. He opened the door to the training room and we both stepped inside. “Now, Shadvex, here’s something you have to do with no hesitation no matter what your instincts tell you to do... Fully charge a shot in your buster and shoot me with it.” he said. I stared at him. “Are you insane?” Storm Eagle rolled his eyes. “Come on, it probably won’t affect me that much. Just do it,” he said. I sighed and charged up my buster until it was glowing with purple energy, then aimed directly at Storm Eagle and fired it. “That’s... That’s literally what a normal shot should do,” said Storm Eagle in disbelief. “You give new definition to the words ‘Dinky Peashooter’.” “...What is that supposed to mean?” I asked, resisting the urge to punch Storm Eagle in the face. “It means,” he said, dragging a wooden box to our side of the room, “That you’ll need a melee weapon to fight with since your buster won’t to crud.” After a few seconds of thought, I took off my helmet. “I could throw this at you, spiked side up, and you would probably die,” I said. “...You have helmet hair,” Storm Eagle stated. “Really bad helmet hair.” He started snickering. “You almost looked like the kind of guy that would kick innocent puppies without a second thought, but... How can anyone take you seriously after seeing... Pffffft!” Storm Eagle had fallen over laughing. I picked up a pair of knives and everything in the room was destroyed in an amount of time that could’ve been anywhere from thirty seconds to two minutes. Storm Eagle sat up. “...Point proven,” he said. “You know,” I said as if nothing at all had happened, “I really like these knives. Do you think I should use them as my main weapon?” Storm Eagle stood up and blinked. “Huh? What? Um, sure, go ahead,” he said, seeming slightly dazed. He looked around. “Um, this entire room looks kind of... Wrecked,” he said. I shrugged as I took the sheaths that held the knives out of the box. “Who cares? Isn’t this the whole point of this room anyways?” I asked, fixing them to my back and then sheathing my knives. Storm Eagle shrugged. “I guess so, but you kinda took it a bit overboard. And please, put your helmet back on,” he said, handing me my helmet. “You know,” I said, “I have no idea how everyone holds my helmet without getting punctured so easily.” I put it back on. Storm Eagle looked down at his hands. “Uh...” I glanced over at his hands, then walked over to the nearest wall and bashed my head into it as hard as I could. My head proceeded to go through the wall and into the next room... Which happened to be exactly where Sigma and Blaze Heatnix were waiting. “Um... Hi,” I said with a nervous chuckle. “Uh...” Sigma sighed. “Who made your helmet?” I tried to respond, but the only sounds that came out were random squeaking noises. I gave up after a few attempts and tried to get my head out of the hole, but to no avail. This is where it ends, I thought, a drop of sweat rolling down the side of my face. I don’t even know how that works. I’m not even completely sure that I want to know how it works. “Alright, that’s enough fail for today,” said Storm Eagle, trying to get my head unstuck from the hole it had made. And by that, I mean grabbing onto my shoulders and pulling really hard. “Stop it,” I whined. “Just go get some peanut butter or something.” “Peanut butter is for wimps,” said Storm Eagle. I squirmed a little bit. “No, seriously, stop it, that kinda hurts.” “Geez, tough it out, will you?” muttered Storm Eagle. “This is nothing compared to what you could go through should you screw something up.” “Fine,” I groaned. After enduring a few more minutes of this nonsense, Storm Eagle finally managed to get my head unstuck. “I still think using peanut butter would’ve been a better idea,” I muttered, straightening my helmet. “Let’s try that one again,” said Storm Eagle, “Using the door this time.” “You guys have really cruddy interior walls,” I said, exiting the room. “Flame Hyenard isn’t here yet,” I noticed as soon as me and Storm Eagle entered the room where Sigma and Blaze Heatnix were waiting. “Honestly? I hope he got lost on his way here,” said Blaze Heatnix. “Don’t we all wish that?” I said. “Probably,” replied Storm Eagle. “Most definitely,” Blaze Heatnix added. A few minutes passed with no sign of Flame Hyenard. “Yup, he’s probably lost,” I said. “We should just start the mission without him.” “You know,” Blaze Heatnix said, “I’d say I don’t care, but I do. Kind of.” “We all do,” Storm Eagle pointed out. “The mission is going to go a lot better without him.” Much to everyone’s collective disappointment, Flame Hyenard stumbled into the room and landed on the floor face first. “...Are you on gummy bears?” I asked. “No,” he replied, “Chill Penguin tried to- BURN TO THE GROUND!- kill me.” “Well, good thing he didn’t,” I said with false relief, “We have no idea WHAT we would do if he did.” “I don’t really care, actually...” said Blaze Heatnix. “Geez, you two, don’t be so inconsiderate of his feelings,” said Storm Eagle, trying his hardest not to die of laughter. “Meh, whatever,” said Flame Hyenard. “You do realize Sigma is- BURNING TO THE GROUND!- listening to this entire conversation, right?” “He is? Oh yeah,” I said. “...Don’t care,” said Blaze Heatnix. “Alright, we should stop this random crud before the conversation drags on forever,” said Storm Eagle. “Now,” said Sigma, interrupting the insane conversation, “I’ve dragged you guys here for a reason.” “And this guy is here because?” I said, pointing at Flame Hyenard. “Seriously, I don’t think having two fire users is all that good of an idea.” “Fine, we’ll swap Blaze Heatnix for Spark Mandrill,” Sigma offered. “No, the current placements are fine,” Storm Eagle quickly objected. “Very well then,” said Sigma. “So, as for why you were summoned to here. This is what I want you to do. We’ve detected some Maverick Hunters in the area- Not enough to launch a full scale attack, but just enough to potentially cause a minor problem. I want you guys to go do whatever you want to them as long as it involves removing them from our land.” “Does that make mayonnaise an instrument- I mean, does that involve killing them?” I asked. “I haven’t finished speaking yet,” Sigma snapped. “Killing them is preferred, but make sure you hide the evidence. Donut distribution is in an hour, but if you finish early, you are permitted to go Maverick Hunter hunting... If you get what I mean.” He grinned. “Don’t care,” Blaze Heatnix muttered to himself. “What was that?” Sigma asked. “Nothing,” replied Blaze Heatnix quickly. “We’ll be on our way,” Storm Eagle said suddenly. He started dragging me and Blaze Heatnix to the entrance, leaving Flame Hyenard to run after us.

After a not very long journey to the other side of the Maverick Army Base... “That was uneventful,” I said after being dropped onto the ground by Storm Eagle. A cloud of dust flew up into the air. “Why do you have to physically drag people everywhere instead of letting them follow along, anyways?” “To be perfectly honest,” said Storm Eagle, “I don’t know.” “I’d say I’m worried for your mental sanity, but to be perfectly honest, I don’t care that much,” said Blaze Heatnix. “Why is ‘I don’t care’ or ‘Whatever’ your default answer to pretty much everything?” I asked, getting up. “Because I really don’t care,” replied Blaze Heatnix, also getting up. “Why should I waste my life on what other people say or think?” I shrugged. “We should get going before Flame Hyenard catches up with us.” “Good idea,” Storm Eagle agreed. “Still don’t care,” Blaze Heatnix muttered. Unfortunately for all of us, Flame Hyenard decided to show up just then. The three of us ran for it before he could say anything. “Think we’ve lost him?” asked Storm Eagle. “...Why didn’t we just fly?” Blaze Heatnix asked, ignoring Storm Eagle. “...Maybe because I can’t?” I retorted. “Well technically I can but only for ten seconds or so.” “Whatever,” Blaze Heatnix replied. “...Hold on,” Storm Eagle warned. “The Maverick Hunters are nearby.” “Don’t ca- Wait, they are?” Blaze Heatnix’s voice grew quieter. “Okay, maybe now I care a bit.” Out of sheer instinct I jumped into the nearest tree and hid. “Don’t mind me,” I whispered, “I’ll just sit here and wait for them to approach for a sneak attack.” “Good idea...?” Storm Eagle replied, only half sure of what he was saying. Storm Eagle suddenly turned around... And proceeded to barf up an egg that hatched into a bunch of small robot eaglets “...Are all bird reploids able to do this or what?” I asked. “...Don’t ask,” Storm Eagle said as the eaglets he just produced terrorized the Maverick Hunter that tried to sneak up on them. One of them distractedly flew away from the others and decided to sit on my head. “Can I kill him now?” I asked Storm Eagle, pointing to the Maverick Hunter that was currently being swarmed by the eaglets. “Sure,” he answered. I gently picked up the eaglet that had sat on my head, placed it on the branch besides me, then jumped down from the tree. Careful to not make a single sound, I snuck up on the Maverick Hunter, then slashed his head off in a single X-Scissor like motion. Oil splattered everywhere. “...You know, I suddenly realized just how fun murdering people is,” I said. “Any more?” “There’s probably more in the immediate area, so stay cautious,” said Storm Eagle. I decided to go for the offensive and jabbed Storm Eagle where his ribs would be if he were a human. “There are two of them behind that bush,” I whispered. “And?” “I’m going to try and take them down myself, but if it looks like I need help you’re helping.” I paused. “If you don’t, I’ll... Sue you, or something.” “Got it.” I lunged into the bush, knives at the ready. If I knew what was coming, I probably would have made a run for it. The first thing I saw was a flash as one of the Maverick Hunters unsheathed their weapon and jump attacked. I tried to dodge out of the way, but wasn’t fast enough as the attack hit my left shoulder. The other Maverick Hunter had gone to attack Storm Eagle and Blaze Heatnix. I attempted to counter-attack, but I only hit once, and after that, the attacker gave me no chance to lash out with either one of my knives, as I was far more interested in trying to guard myself from and dodging his endless wave of attacks. No matter how hard I tried, however, he still got a few attacks in. I heard Storm Eagle and Blaze Heatnix flying away to escape the other Maverick Hunter. Just my luck. I was ready to make a run for it when someone shouted. “Zero!” The voice sounded familiar, but I was probably too tired to concentrate on trying to figure out where I had heard it before. I should have tried anyways, but I gave in and dropped to the ground, nearly unconscious. “Are we done here yet?” the other Maverick Hunter asked. “Almost. Just let me take care of one little thing...” said the reploid that was called Zero. Just a few seconds after that, he stabbed me right through the chest with his saber, then removed it and trotted off. The only thought going through my head was “Kill me now” as I fell unconscious.

“Nyeh...” I groaned as I awoke. What... What happened? I thought. “Oh, good, you’re- BURNING TO THE GROUND!- awake... And alive,” said someone in the room. I glanced over to my left to find Flame Hyenard sitting in a chair. “You’re late for- BURNING TO THE GROUND!- donut distribution, by the way,” he said. I blinked. “Wait, I could’ve died, and all you care about is the fact that I’m late for donut distribution? What kind of heartless monster are you?” I said. Flame Hyenard shrugged. “I don’t- BURN TO THE GROUND!- know,” he said. “I can’t really tell if you’re being sarcastic or no-” “DO I SOUND LIKE I’M BEING SARCASTIC?!” I snarled. “Uh... I don’t- BURN TO THE GROUND!- know,” said Flame Hyenard. “Remember when I said you’re late for donut distribution? It’s actually Tuesday- BURNING TO THE GROUND!- right now.” I tried to scoot myself into a sitting position but failed. “Wait, what? How long was I out?” “A whole day,” he replied matter-of-factly. “...What,” I said. “Yeah... You- BURNED TO THE WAHOO- got roughed up pretty badly,” said Flame Hyenard. “Burn to the wahoo? That’s new,” I commented. “...Uh.” He paused. “Oh yeah, Commander Sigma wanted to- BURN TO THE TRIFORMATION!- see you, so go see him when you’re able to at least- BURN TO THE GROUND!- drag yourself out of the room.” I rolled my eyes. “And I’m not able to now?” “Well, you kinda just- BURN TO THE GROUND!- woke up, so... I don’t expect you to- BURN TO THE GROUND!- be in quite perfect condition yet.” “Meh,” I said, trying to go into a sitting position again. I winced as a searing pain shot through my chest and went back into the lying down position I was previously in. “Geez...” “Well, I’m going to just- BURN TO THE GROUND!- leave you alone for now,” said Flame Hyenard, getting up to leave the room. And with that, he left. “Oh great,” I muttered, “Now I’m all alone in a dimly lit echoey room... This situation feels familiar somehow.” I thought for a few minutes to try and figure out why it felt familiar, but came up with nothing. The crud that happened yesterday may have screwed up part of my memory circuits... I thought. I shook my head and stared at the ceiling. “It’s probably not that important,” I muttered. “If it was important, how could I forget it so easily?” About fifteen minutes, but probably much longer, passed. “Alright, now I’m getting bored,” I said, testing whether or not I could sit up yet. It wasn’t quite as bad as last time, so I decided to see how bad standing up would be. Much to my surprise, that didn’t prove to be too much of a problem either. “Better go see what Commander Sigma wanted,” I said, walking out of the room. I almost immediately bumped into Storm Eagle. “Oh, you’re alive,” said Storm Eagle, seeming slightly surprised. “Yeah, and?” I said. “Well, all things considered, you weren’t exactly in good shape when Flame Hyenard dragged you here.” said Storm Eagle. “Wait just a second,” I said. “You mean to say that flipping FLAME HYENARD saved my life?!” “Uh... Heh heh...” muttered Storm Eagle. “...Yes.” “Flipping...” I muttered. Then I sighed. “Look, whatever. Sigma wanted to see me, which is why I’m going to just scoot away now.” And with that, I walked past Storm Eagle and made my way to Sigma’s room. Once I had made it to where his room was located on the other side, I poked my head through the door. “You wanted to see me, sir?” I asked nervously. Sigma looked up from what he was doing. “Ah, yes, Shadvex,” he said. “Yes indeed. Do take a seat.” He gestured to the chair that had been moved to the other side of his desk. I nervously took a seat in it. “So...” said Sigma, leaning forward to rest his elbows on the desk. “Tell me exactly what happened.” “Well...” I said. I tried to think of how to tell him what had happened without dragging it out too long. “First I killed a guy, and then one of his friends tried to kill me, to put it quite simply.” “Interesting,” said Sigma. “Could you, perhaps, try to describe the the person that tried to kill you?” “Uh...” I said, thinking. “Long flippy ponytail, red armor, energy saber, uh... His boots were about the size of his head.” Sigma was about to say something, then fell silent, making me feel slightly uneasy. After a few moments of silence, Sigma finally said, “Consider yourself lucky you got out of that alive. That was more than likely Zero,” said Sigma. “He’s an S-Class Maverick Hunter, also extremely dangerous. Confrontation should be avoided at all costs. I myself once fought him, and even my own victory was out of sheer luck.” “Uh...” I said, feeling slightly awkward. “So...” “...You can go away now,” said Sigma. “I’m busy with a few things.” I got up and walked out of the room... Only to bump into Blaze Heatnix. “Geez, what is it with running into random bird robots today?” I muttered. “Uh... I’d say I don’t care, but if I came looking for you, that probably means I care...?” said Blaze Heatnix. “Seems legit,” I said. “What do you want?” “Uh... Me and Storm Eagle just wanted to apologize for making a run for it yesterday instead of staying behind to help you,” Blaze Heatnix said awkwardly. “But you see,” said Storm Eagle as he walked over, “I’m not sure if we were being attacked by a Maverick Hunter or an angry ferret.” “We have experience with angry ferrets,” said Blaze Heatnix. “A few years back, we had a ferret as the base pet, and one time Spark Mandrill accidentally made it mad and it nearly clawed him to death.” “A shame it didn’t,” muttered Storm Eagle. “Too bad I missed it,” I said. “Too bad indeed,” said Storm Eagle. “It was pretty hilarious.” “...So...” I said. “What do we do now?” “Scoot away from Sigma’s room,” said Storm Eagle, “And have a discussion on how amazing pancakes are.” “Why pancakes?” I asked. “Donuts are far superior!” “Wise words from our favorite decapitator,” said Blaze Heatnix. “Yes,” I agreed. “Yes.” I paused. “Wait, I’ve only decapitated one Maverick Hunter.” “Don’t care.” “Darn, right when I thought you gained some form of sensitivity,” said Storm Eagle. “...Go away, you,” muttered Blaze Heatnix. “No.” “I will incinerate you...” “I can just put out the flames with wind.” “Grr...” I scooted in between the two. “Let’s not try to kill each other, yeah?” I said. I almost instantly regretted that, as that’s exactly when the two decided to kill each other, and I ended up getting caught in the crossfire of their attacks. Fortunately, I didn’t get damaged too badly, since their attacks canceled each other out pretty well. “Shadvex, what are you doing?!” barked Blaze Heatnix, ceasing his fiery attack. “I... Don’t know,” I said, shrugging off the minute amounts of damage I did take as Storm Eagle also stopped attacking. At that moment, Sigma decided to announce that the day had ended. “Whatever, Sigma...” muttered Blaze Heatnix as he dragged me to our room.

Two and a half years had passed since I joined the Maverick Army. Things didn’t lose its crud very often, days usually went by in a relatively orderly fashion: Wake up, spend thirty minutes of the morning doing nothing, a few hours of training with an occasional random mission thrown at me and a few others by Sigma, donut distribution on Mondays, more training, go to bed, repeat. It never really seemed to get all that boring, and it wasn’t really something I minded all that much. And not much had changed, really. Flame Hyenard was still annoying, Blaze Heatnix still didn’t care about anything, Storm Eagle was still awesome, Vile was still a jerk, and Sigma was still slightly terrifying. Chill Penguin was also still trying to murder Flame Hyenard. He actually did come pretty close to doing so a few times, but never actually succeeded, much to the disappointment of quite a few people, including me, Storm Eagle, and Blaze Heatnix. The day started as days normally did. I woke up, yawned and stretched, and glanced out the window. “Wait, judging by the sun’s positioning, it’s almost noon- OH MY DIN I OVERSLEPT,” I yelped, panicking. I jumped out of bed and immediately dashed out of the room, all the while forgetting to put my helmet on. The first person I saw was Storm Eagle. He took one look at me and burst out laughing. Blaze Heatnix also grinned. “...What’s so funny?” I asked. “You derp, two and a half years and you’re still making the same dumb mistake,” said Blaze Heatnix, trying not to laugh. Storm Eagle managed to stop laughing for a few seconds to say “You forgot to put your helmet on,” before collapsing with laughter. “...Oh. Crud,” I said. I ran back to my room, slightly embarrassed that I had forgotten to do something so important. In my haste, I had forgotten the correct way to handle my helmet, and upon trying to grab it, poked myself in the hand with one of the spikes on the back of it. “FLIPPING-” I barked, immediately jerking back my hand to see how badly I had poked myself. “Doesn’t seem to be much more dangerous than a papercut,” I muttered. I picked up my helmet the correct way, put it on, and went back to where Blaze Heatnix and Storm Eagle were. “I can’t believe I overslept,” I muttered. “Blaze Heatnix, why didn’t you wake me up?” “Don’t you remember the announcement Sigma made last week?” he said. “We get to do whatever we want today. And to be perfectly honest, I don’t care that much about waking you up anyways.” “Wait, what?” “Congratulations, you made yourself look like a complete idiot for no reason.” “...Does that mean I get to sleep all day?” I asked. “No, we’re helping Chill Penguin murder Flame Hyenard and we’re dragging you along for no particular reason,” Storm Eagle said. “Actually, he’s forcing me to come,” Blaze Heatnix objected. “Because honestly I really don’t care.” “Admit it,” said Storm Eagle, “You want him dead too.” Blaze Heatnix sighed. “How many times do I have to tell you? I don’t care!” “Alright, whatever,” said Storm Eagle, rolling his eyes. This caused Blaze Heatnix to growl a bit, so I stepped in, and said “Now now, Blaze Heatnix, growling is Vile’s thing.” “What?” That caused him to growl even more. “Uh... Are we going to go murder Flame Hyenard or not?” “Yes,” Storm Eagle answered immediately. “Fine, whatever,” Blaze Heatnix grumbled. Someone behind us cleared their throat, making a sound that sounded slightly like a growl crossed with a blender grinding someone’s head to pieces. I froze, then slowly turned my head toward the source of the sound. “Uh... Hello, Vile,” I said with a nervous laugh. I could tell Vile was not amused at all. His left eye was glowing red, and he had his head tilted in a way that said “You just screwed up. Hardcore.” I thought about what I was going to do for about three seconds when I decided to make a run for it while screaming. I could hear the sound of Vile giving chase behind me. I am so screwed, I thought over the sound of my own screaming. So, so very screwed. Once I was sure I had lost him deep within the corridors of the base, I stopped running to take a quick break. I glanced around at the room I had gotten myself into. “...Uh...” I said to myself. “Where the crud am I?” I had somehow gotten myself into a small, dark room in an area of the base I had never been before. I waited the minute or so it took for my night vision to kick in, and then looked around. My jaw dropped when I saw the box of donuts sitting in the middle of the room. It wasn’t one of those boxes that contained twelve donuts, this one must’ve contained at least thirty, most likely more. I threw common sense out the window and opened the box. As soon as I reached in to grab a donut, an alarm went off. I scrambled up the smooth marble wall, which was possible thanks to my knives... And my ninja skills. Can’t forget the ninja skills. The lights were turned on and the door slammed open and Vile walked in, followed by Sigma. I was still slightly terrified by him. I gave a nervous smile and waved at them from where I was clinging onto the wall. “Er... Hi.” “Shadvex-” Vile started. “Cut it, Vile, nobody wants to hear it,” I said, still ignoring the existence of common sense. I realized my mistake far too late, because the instant I finished my sentence, Vile was trying to kill me. Apparently his cannon shot regular buster shots and thus were easy to dodge. Or, would be, if I were on the ground. I took a few hits before I decided to let go of the knife I was clinging onto the wall with, then boosted off of the wall and hurled myself at Vile’s face, other knife at the ready. Vile would’ve lost his head if it weren’t for the fact that I promptly got punched in the face by him. Hard. I proceeded to get a nosebleed, and retaliated by kicking Vile in the face. We would have ended up killing each other if not for Sigma prying us apart. I stepped back, panting. I glanced down to investigate the small puddle of oil that had formed at my feet. I then noticed the small trail of oil going down the front of my armor. “I told you, Sigma!” snarled Vile as he struggled against the hold Sigma had on his shoulder. “We should have just murdered him!” Sigma opened his mouth to speak, but Vile abruptly cut him off, snarling “What was your excuse to let him live, anyways?!”