CSY's Journal: Maths and Musings

honestly ive thought about this for a while, and I think i'll be finishing up some hunts I've promised others I'd do & then stepping away from this site I really love & appreciate all the friends and awesome people i've met on here, and this year has been pretty cool. but honestly i'm pretty burnt out from everything. basically all i've been doing these 10 months ish is hunt melans for other people to make zc to buy summons to do legend hunts. and now more than ever I just feel so frustrated at legend hunts, burning through thousands of summons + SLE + z crystals + staying up for hours on end in an unhealthy manner on niet / sei days to hatch as much as possible. i haven't grown my own melan collection at all, i havent hunted anything for MYSELF, and i just feel... disappointed. and empty all the time. It's no fault of the site and honestly probably more on me than everything, collecting so many summons & hunting legend after legend. but i cant help but feel like i've just wasted so much time (& money too) for like 5 extra melans which I REALLY do love but it seems more like an unhealthy obsession atp like i look at the hunts i did do over the past 10 months and wow LOL im literally just a melan farm, i have a 15k misdreavus chain, a 16k ardik chain, a 7.5k impyre chain, a 6k p-wooper chain... and i've gotten melans from it but its all just been sold for summons. i just feel like im grinding and grinding for... nothing ATP i think i need a long overdue break... i wanna start working on my NGOs IRL that i no longer have the time for cuz of PFQ, i wanna start reading books again, i wanna focus on my own career, make time for friends, and to a point where all this just isnt healthy anymore. i think one of these will happen: 1 - i quit entirely again 2 - i semi quit but am only here to use up the rest of my summons on niet sei 3 - i start hunting things that I want and STOP the chains when im done with what I need the ideal world is 3 but honestly like its so ironic, i have a 4k riolu chain i wanted to get 2 more jolly melans to finish my line but i literally only hatched 1 and its the wrong nature. like with normal luck say i get 1 melan in 1k after this. then i'd be at 6k which at that point i should literally just hatch melans to sell others LOLL. its so hard to NOT be a melan farm but when it takes 3+ months to get up there anyways, its hard not to want to keep going, and then you have me at a 15k misdreavus chain for half my time here. idk man.