The Astral Aquarium

sigh, im so exhausted from work. 12 hours three days straight is awful. also i feel like i overestimate my abilities when i want to be nice and friendly. i have all these ideas and want to make people smile and feel so happy by surprising them with things but then i mess up on my end or overthink and worry about overstepping and i end up considering just. not doing anything and then feeling so horrible about it. its so hard to find a balance, if there even is one. i need to draw for each of my adopts too, but i cant even finish any of those. ugh. today's looking like a kinda bad day.

ranty venty bit under the hide, nothing bad just word drivel, y'know? on brighter news, I think I'm going to try to turn my adopts into a bigger story, I'm already thinking about what I want people's personalities and roles to be, its EXTREMELY liquid right now but I’m hoping to get things a little more solid down the line! I DESPERATELY need to draw Virus. I have the vision in my head but my ability in my art is. Lacking to say the least ;o; he’s just EXTREMELY important to Nue’s story, and I’ve already been planning the writing I want to do to start the whole thing (series? Idea? World? Idk man) but I don’t want to write when there’s no face to the character. Plus, I need a ref for when I get a ton of commissions for him ehehehe Also new poll(s) incoming shortly!

i feel the homestuck creeping back in. the urge to draw my trollsona(s). ugh. help.

I feel so....i dknt know. disconnected? alone? The extreme feeling of being some annoying person constantly popping in trying to talk to people who obviously dont want anything to do with me and put up with me because I interpret the niceties as friendship and just. ugh. I feel like my art is comparitively horrid too, and people ordered out of pity for my attempts. sorry for all the negativity, I just. really feel like a burden to everyone to ever exist and it sucks :(

Busy busy busy even on my one off day ;o; Got 2 things of laundry done, fed me and the fiancee (theyre sick :( poor thing), and I'm in the process of prepping stuff for dinner, drawing and also updating and organizing my toyhouse! my brain's found a new focus of fusion-verse, since I keep snapping up so many! I wanna babble about it SO BAD but I dont want to just. babble, I definitely need to make it more streamlined but also be a bit firm of which qualify as 'fusion-verse' compared to just 'retype'. Retypes could fit into normal every day pokemon universe, poss. Vita and Rena's storyline wince theyre retypes too-ish? at least Vita is! I also super want to get into my Hs verses too, but I can't focus on both unfortuantely otherwise it might cancel out the excitement and passion for both due to stretching myself too thin and burnout so Finner + co need to take a back seat! I desoerately need to get back into writing too, because fusion-verse has such a big tie into Nue's story, but I want to start with Virus and his stuff but first I need to draw him and @_@ wowie zowie

Work is literally murdering me, I think. Or at least draining my passion for the site/hunting right now. I wanted to chain hunt kyutopis pretty intensley for next month's type race but with working days on end, 10 hours a day on my feet, and come home and dont have any time to clean or cook and just. I literally had to force myself to get my mass clicks in yesterday for the MCW and lost an hour of sleep so I could not stress about it today in case I forgot and I still have like 5 days of the same thing with no recovery time. I dont want to get burnt out on this game, I'm so tired of leaving it and would feel terrible to lose the friends I've made on here. Ugh. This time of year really is the worst. January is going to be so bad.

OOF ITS BEEN A SECOND SINCE I POSTED HERE. I'm not gonna monologue about irl stuff except for my arthritis is so bad lately, my hips hurt so bad its hard to sleep through the night :( Work is also causing my ankles to swell so badly its pressing on the scar tissue which also hurts....I just need robo legs already LMAO BUT ANYWAY I ACTUALLY HAVE IDEASSSS FOR ALL MY RETYPESSS at first I wanted to Have retypes in Vita's universe, since she herself is a fairy/dragon dreepy, BUT i think maybe it would be more interesting to have the majority in Nue's Universe since that one is going to be where the pokemon can talk and interact vs Vita's where its a human helping pokemon out (Which reminds me of my trainersona's au being raised by mewtwo but i have too many aus and need someone to make me focus on one at a time HAHA >.>; BUT ANYWAY; HERES THE IDEA Flicker is a self assured charmer, his dad is a Meowscarada and his mom was an Incineroar. He's the oldest and doesnt remember his dad much from childhood but remembers him beung kind of a womanizer, but it got much worse when he (Flicker) got older and his dad's mistresses (A Typhlosion and Primarina) had his half siblings (Pitch, the dark/fire Quilava, and the twins; Admirabliss the water sprigatito and Breakfast, the fairy sprigatito). His dad is nowhere to be found and the other two abandoned their kids. Flicker's mom isnt really around anymore so he's the defacto guardian of his siblings. Hes a charmer like his dad, but hes actually terrified to be with anyone because he doesnt want to hurt them like his dad hurt his mom and the mistresses (they didnt know he had a family). Hes a wonderful big brother and a big family man :) Anyway I gotta get my clicks in and then go to sleep but AUGH I WANNA INFODUMP ABOUT MY STORIES SO BAD. [rolls around] I wont write them down thoguh :,) thats my curse

i need to be up in 4 hours.....lol. im gonna die

OKAY, so time for me to infodump about my fusion-verse >:) I'll have to gloss over a lot because Rules but also I think that'll serve as a teaser for if I ever actually write any of it down! so basically, let me start out with the basics; Theres of course regular pokemon with regular types. Then there's Retypes! They're rare but not 'once-in-a-lifetime', not very common to be owned by trainers. They're made by pokemon in the same breeding group having eggs together! Then lastly there are Fusions! Fusions are very rare and happen when the parents love each other but aren't necessarily 'compatible'! Theyre very rare in nature but are fiercely protected by family and usually hidden from human society! Usually the fusions caught by trainers are out on display or used as a status symbol, leading to mistreatment of them :( However, there is a secret organization who has been making fusions, studying them, and keeping them in tubes. They have thrown their morals to the wayside in order to see if they Can, not thinking if they Should. They have also been digitizing pokemon, ripping their conciousness out of their bodies and turning them into programs. Virus, a deoxys, has been digitized but maintains selfhood as he explores through the cameras and wires of the facility. there he finds many fusions, including Nue! He psychically reaches out and after seeing their memories of all the experiments he's so angry he comes up with a plan to release the trapped pokemon and escape, getting his body back in the process Everything else is a bit up in the air after escape, though I know I want Nue at some point to snap and go into their 'Nue Two' form and crack Virus, leading to them needing to get info on and find Dell to heal him. After that.....I'm not sure what to happen next >.> I know some 'side stories' to go into; Flicker's backstory/family, possibly have him connected through Az-Daz knowing him since he was a Sprigatito? I also want to go into Guǐ and Marion's story of their Bad Owner who made them come back as ghosts because of their trauma? As well as flesh out the legendary fusions, especially Setare and her consort's story since I want them to also have an arc (Setare falls for the head of the guard, after her consort becomes controlling and elitist) bluhbluhbluh ITS SO MUCH I just dont know where to start WAHHHH

I'm once again thinking about Finner and his story, but also Saayri....my first fan troll, my beloved I'll never forget when me and a friend shipped her with the Condesce before she was ever revealed LMAO I also made two humans, brother and sister twins and maybe one day they can be a part of a story? Maybe Finners even though the two kids in Finner's story are basically john/dave fused together and rose/jade fused together since the og 12 trolls didnt make humans when they won sburb since finner and his friends are technically fan kids >.> idk i like my two kids :) theyre neat! i need to add them to toyhou.se soon but if anyone knows me, im perpetually behind on everything. Anyway, Saayri was never like. in a Sburb sess, she just....was a troll? unlike Aggapi, whose story I still adore but theres just so little i know the meta of and all that so i feel like her story will never come to fruition, sigh