The Astral Aquarium

I haven't posted here in a little bit. Just.....ugghghhghghhghhhgh Work has been draining me so badly. It's been so hard on my joints that I literally cannot /not/ be in pain until Wednesday/Thursday and then the cycle continues Friday - Sunday...It's just so bad lately. It also keeps raining every day we work which just makes my arthritis flare up even worse, and the medicine is starting to make me sick every time I take it, which I think is a sign I'm taking too much x_x Just. Ugh. so much I've also been very High Key Anxious the past....week and a half?? It's like every little thing makes me panic even if I'm able to mask it and pretend everythings okay, my stomach's been all twisted and it's been hard to breath. I keep worrying over anything and everything and just, idk man. Anyway i literally had to leave work after only 6 hours because of how much pain I was in, so yaaaay.....Thankfully I have monday - thursday off regardless to recover and I also put in to have Friday off since it's my birthday (There is booing in the background, we hate getting older in this house) I'll probably just be on here all day that day or something. idk. Sorry this post is so debbie downer, I'm just. Sigh

Even though I made a plan and was so sure I was going to stick with it......I am once again thinking on maybe changing said plan >.> I just really want to do something on here for my B-day!! 'Oh but [redacted], you'll be 27 you're too old to care!!' PERHAPS.......but I wish to be filled with joyous whimsy!!!! I only have 100 more points to go for typerace to hit the minumum requirement (sorry corkscrew crash......steel is not my favorite......) and I know I said I was going to work on upgrading badges but I kind of want to be a little silly guy and hunt Mew!!!! Especially since that's Literally Just Me!!!! Imagine getting a shiny or even an albino on my Bday!! That would be me!!! The holy grail would be if they had spicy preference too?! (idk if you can influence legendary natures?? I don't think you can) but I actually have never bought/gotten any special for Mew and I don't even have one in my fields right now (like at all)!!!! (I have a ton of hidden fields full of spicy preferences, I either need to pair them or buy fields but I have only like 1 million creds in the safe which isn't a lot >.>) Maybe I'll make a thread in a little while buying origin sashes?? If I get 250 then I'll start my hunt after I hit the minimum for type race!!!!!

WEEEEEE HAPPY VALENTINES!!!!!!!! I'm slowly making my way through to ppl because my social battery is extremely low today so please be paitent but!!! HAPPY VALENTINES, PALENTINES, ANYTHING YOU CELEBRATE!!!!!!! We didn't do anything too big today, but guessss whaaaaat I DYED MY HAIR TODAYYYYYYYY or rather, i stood in one spot while my fiancee dyed my hair!!!!!! I'm kind of worried that the pink side won't turn out, so I can just dye it blue tomorrow if that's the case!!!! I'm super excited to see it when it's finally dry!! (I'm staying up until it is, bc i don't wanna stain my pillows >.>) but Unless i can find a way to censor my face, nobody here's getting any pics, sorry!!! (If you have my discord tho, dw you'll get to see this creature!!!) I also finally got a spicy pref mew!!!! I got two actually (not specials, but Idc!!!) They're my Valentines twins!! Cuties :3 anyway im rambling!!! uhhhh ty for reading!!!!

wheezes and collapses into a heap. Today was Hmm Bad. I left work early but highlights include: Basically cried in front of 2 of my managers, had to talk to my managers boss to talk about an employee, feared confrontation with employee, have extreme swelling on both ankles (which is normal bc......scar tissue + arthritis + fused joints) but is made much worse from today being cold as heck, lots of pain, and woke up at 230 this morning and couldnt go back to sleep. my front teeth gums also hurt still from getting hit in the face but im less paranoid today than i was yesterday.....still a little paranoid though i feel horrible im behind on commissions, im almost done with one, havent started the others, and im severely lacking with socializing because im starting to have the intrusive 'You are a burden' thoughts which I know are from having a few bad days, but i also dont want to be overbearing I havent decided what I want to hunt as I ran out of origin sashes, and I know I need to update my art shop a ton too (Loyalty program, new adopts, maybe a price revamp, and adding items to ways to pay!) just a lot to do when having low battery x_x I'll bounce back, and thank yall for being so patient with me!!

Crying over the Rolling Giant, Mr. Old View himself......I just want to give him a huge hug?????? I want to give him a flower crown and change out the flowers in his hands if they wilt?????? I would have him live in nature and he would make friends with all the animals and he wouldn't be a husk abandoned by the folly of man and consumerism, he would no longer exist anymore as the internet boogeyman, or as a spooky guy. He would no longer be forgotten and he would no longer be lonely He is a friend.......... Yes, can you see that I have once again found another comfort character and am flailing about.

Been a second since I did one of these (like.....6 days.....definitely not a 'long time') I've been ehhhh, on and off, to say the least. Definitely was a mistake using 'mainstream' social media again u_u I forgot all the grisly stuff people post. ANYWAY. Because I'm a little mentally 'AAAAAAAAAA', my motivation for literally anything is very numb/apathetic but I know if I just continue doing things then I'll be okay!! It's just a mindset I gotta snap out of, y'know? I'm doing the tourney right now, over halfway done with that, once I'm done with all that, I'm honestly really wanting to try to hunt Lunatone and Solrock >.>;; Because.............they remind me of................a comfy chara........... I know I know, I need to stick to my guns, focus on working on badges, get those out of the way, blah blah BUT I DON'T WANNA......................I WANT PRETTY SUN AND MOON............... Idk, this is a silly post, and we'll see. I'm not looking to hunt for a long time (hopefully), just until I get a spicy shiny for each (knock on wood) I've also thought about maybe just going back to my salandit hunt? it's the only hunt I have that's 1k (i think that's the longest hunt ive ever done) and I still never got any special ladies..........I just.....I need to get a shiny spicy Salazzle..........I need them........................... Also dexes too.............groans. Another thing, I'm gonna keep my art shop closed until I figure something out about image hosting. My choices are maybe pokefarm but clear out everything every month except examples, deviantart Stash or Toyhouse private character/commission dump??? idk. we'll see, y'know?

Blargh: I'm back again with just me mcrambling I'm not very excited for type race, just because I don't have any pairs that would be something I'd be super invested in hunting, though I'll probably participate to just help get my badges out of the way? I reopened my shop too!! ( Shout out to Bestie Dachs for recommending a fix to the image hosting nightmare~!! ) I've been (hopefully) improving in my art, and am able to actually like my art soon. I learned 2 tricks today that I hope will make my art easier/better looking and hopefully streamline my process?? I've been having such a hard time drawing for myself, because I feel I either need to be creating for others or because I know what I want to create is not going to be what I actually create (ie Vision vs Product). If anyone has any tips for this, please let me know u_u Also, I've felt the vague itch to rp lately, but I feel listless as to what my brain /wants/ to rp, from new characters to maybe lorebuilding City of Morrow to Fusionverse or anything Pokemon related to even some of my book ideas, my brain is bouncing from one thing to the next at the speed of lightning, which isn't new if you read my journals and know I change my mind of what to do next in this game every day >.> ehehe........ Anyway!! I'm just bein silly, and the main thing is I hope that my art improves and that I can see it, that would really help my motivation I think

Sigh.

trying to resist the urge to reread homestuck in its entirity because i am in need of nostalgia and comfort in this desperate time and failing..... one day ill play friendsim and hiveswap u_u i just....always forget to buy it X_X also need to buy the soundtracks......god such a comfort series unfortunately

Wowie zowie, it's been........literally a month and a half since I posted here LMAOOOO I haven't had much time or focus to really invest in the site or really anything besides IRL stuff which sucks a ton because I love living in fantasy worlds, I love throwing myself into a series and just living there instead. But I haven't really had the chance to and that sucks, but it just means I need to pay more attention to life so I can go back to that point, y'know? That doesn't mean however, I haven't been here! Or that I've stopped writing (at least in my head haha) I haven't had the most time to draw, either....which makes me really upset but me being frustrated isn't going to solve things Uhmmmmm what else......I've been brushing up on my german lately, picking up Russian (and avoiding korean....I'm so sorry to my heritage >.>). I interviewed for a leadership position at my job, so fingers crossed I'll get it!! Same hours, new area, pay increase, so I mean......I see only positives! Uhhhhhhh i dunno!! I've honestly been thinking about remaking my journal, making it a little less personable, a little more site focused? At least more concise and organized, i feel like I used this one a little too quickly and never quite......finished setting it up properly. I'll make a poll or something, I dunno Oh! I made an artfight though!! I know it's in.....july? But I've always been curious about it!! I haven't finished setting it up, but if you want to add me, it's here!!!! Still very much a Wip right now ehehehe ^^; Idk.....I'm sorry I haven't been very social, I've always been very bad about reaching out first, but I promise if you message me, it will always be appreciated and almost always answered, unless I'm having a moment!! anyway uhhhh yeah!