Pen and Paper - A Writers Clan

Her skin was a deep, dark shade of brown, nearly a true black. It reminded Kendall fleetingly of the calla lilies his mother grew in her garden. Her skin was smooth and shiny; he thought wildly of silk, lace, and rose petals. Her face was acorn-shaped, and her eyes drew his attention in. They were the same dark color of her skin, with a silvery shine to them where the light hit them that made him think of platinum. The matte green of her shirt gave her the appearance of a woodland goddess, almost as if he were staring into the face of Artemis herself.

  The three dark doors in front of me loomed like a large shadow over me and my Pokémon. I looked at the doors and then toward my team. Raboot, Chandelure, Greninja, Umbreon, Meowstic, and Aegislash.      I shifted my gaze back to the doors. "I'd think my best shot is the vines, but that seems too easy..." I thought. "I guess Chandelure and Raboot could melt the ice in the other room. The room of dirt seems too much like a trick to me..."  I stood pondering what door I should take until Meowstic went over to a door.      I took a deep breath and then stepped slowly into the room of ice. The first thing I noticed was that wasn't very cold. The ice under my feet crackled and popped underneath me as I turned around to scan my surroundings. There was nothing in sight but the solid walls and floor of ice.   After returning my team, except my two fire types, I started walk. As I continued walking, it was clear that the floor was begining to slope genly downward. I continued on, to the point I was no longer walking, but sliding down the steep ice slope. As the slope got steeper, I began holding my arms out for balance. Raboot hopped onto my shoulder, almost knocking me onto the cold ground. Chandelure floated next to us, doing little flips and spins every now and then.     Suddenly the room stopped with its decline and became flat again. I stopped sliding just before I hit a solid wall of ice. There were no holds, nothing to climb onto, and it was un-meltable, no matter how hard Raboot and Chandelure tried. I sat down and searched through my small bag for an escape rope. "I must've forgotten to buy one..." I sighed and tied up my bag.      As I kept thinking, I realized, the wall may not have hand holds, but Greninja could make them. I called him out. "Greninja, do you think you could help me up this wall with your Water Shurikens?" I asked. He nodded and began to form the stars and throw them into the ice. "Thanks!" I said as I began to climb the tall structure.      Upon reaching the top, I realized it wasn't a wall, but a cliff.  "At least I don't have to climb all the way back down..." I thought as sat down to rest a moment. I noticed it was much colder up here than it was down the cliff, so I grabbed the jacket I brought and put it on. I returned Greninja and Chandelure, making sure they'd stay warm, and continued on my trail. Raboot refused to go in her Pokéball, so she stayed with me.      After a bit of walking, Raboot made a noise. I looked up and saw a huge canyon with an old rickety wooden bridge leading to the other side. Raboot ran off and hopped across it with ease.      "Raboot, wait!" I called, but it was too late. The old, worn boards creaked and collapsed under her before she could reach the other side of the canyon. I was too far away to do anything, so I could only watch as she used one strong jump and latched onto the side of the cliff. She struggled to get up, but eventually made it onto the solid ground. I watched as the whole bridge fell, only one side staying connected to the canyon wall.      I looked over to the other side of the canyon at Raboot. She looked upset. "We'll figure out a way to get across, okay?" I said. I then looked at the side of the cliff, where the broken bridge hung down from some stakes on the edge of the cliff. "How am I supposed to get that over here from all the way over there..." I pondered.      I stood in the same place, wondering how to get the bridge back over to where i was, when I realized Meowstic had the move Psychic. "I'm so dumb!" I thought, letting out Meowstic. "Could you use Psychic on that broken bridge so we can get across, please?" I asked him. He jumped into my arms and began to lift the bridge with his psychic power.      I slowly began to cross the bridge, trying not to break his concentration. We neared the end and Raboot ran over to me. She tried to jump up, causing Meowstic to lose his focus. The bridge began to fall again, and me along with it. I pushed Meowstic and Raboot onto the solid ground with my free hand, the other clinging to the side of the shattering cliff of ice. "My weight must've caused the crumbling" I thought, panicking as I began to try in vain to climb up.      The cliff was freezing to the touch, and I had a hard time holding on. I began to struggle to get up on the ground, the cliff's edge still shattering around me. After a moment, Raboot and Meowstic appeared and tried to help me up. Raboot grabbed one of my hands with her small paws, and pulled with all her might. Meowstic, who was still tired from keeping the bridge up, followed her example.      After trying for a while, the two small Pokémon got me up. The cliff continued to break, and I scrambled away, grabbing both Raboot and Meowstic to keep them from falling into the ever-expanding crack, originating from where the bridge once was. Finally, the crack stopped crumbling, and we all collapsed onto the ground, exhausted.      We rested for a few minutes, then continued on the long journey. I began to grow tired again, but exclaimed excitedly upon seeing another door at the end of the large, dangerous room. I opened the door to reveal a small egg. I slowly walked over. It looked like a normal egg, but something told me it was much more than that. Something special... ______________________________________________________      Raboot, Meowstic, and I exited the room, worn out. We made my way to the closest Pokémon Center, barely having enough energy to make it there. We walked in and i went up to the counter, gave Nurse Joy my Pokémon, and promptly collapsed onto the couch.      Nurse Joy came back and looked at me worriedly. She led me to a little room with a bed. I thanked her, layed down, and fell into a blissful sleep. I woke up, feeling like it was too soon to wake. As i sat up, I felt something next to me. I picked up the egg that I had found in the room.      I scanned my surroundings, and soon realized I was no longer in the Pokémon Center. Curious, I picked up the egg and walked around for a while, before seeing a bright, light pink light. I squinted and shielded my eyes with one of my arms. The light disappeared, replaced with a small, pink creature I assumed was a Pokémon.      "Who are you?" I asked it. A soft, quiet voice replied. "I am Mew, the ancestor of all Pokémon. I have granted you an egg, the last one of our kind." Mew said. "But.... why me?" I asked quietly. "I have seen the care you have for all creatures on this planet, be it human or Pokémon. I have seen many of your kind treat Pokémon as nothing more than tools." Mew stated bitterly. "But you have a kind and pure heart, and that is why I entrusted this egg to you. Take care of it..." It said as the dream faded, and I awoke in the Pokémon Center.      I looked around, seeing Raboot and Meowstic sleeping peacefully next to the bed. I walked over to them, gently waking them, then went over to my bag, gently removing the egg and holding it. Raboot immediately hopped into the bag, settling down into it. I returned Meowstic into his Pokéball, and stepped out of the room. I went up to the counter to thank Nurse Joy again, and set out on the journey home.

PumpkínOfGlory: To be fair, I'm not very good at vivid descriptions and one bit of feedback I got always stuck with me. one of the first things that stood out were the mention of lillies. I didn't know they could be black, so it took me a moment to add that to the description. And when you describe her eyes you use both silvery and platinum. I think you can pick one. Overall it feels a bit stiff. It's her skin, her skin, her face. You're listing facts, while the reader prefers to get the descriptions woven into the story. I do that a lot myself as well. You could merge the sentences about her skin and then continue with her eyes: Her skin was a deep, dark shade of brown, nearly a true black; smooth and shiny like silk. It reminded him of the beautiful black calla lilies his mother grew in her garden. But it were her eyes that drew his attention in, deep and dark, with a platinum like shine."

Hey guys! I wrote out a short description for when one character sees another one for the first time. Could I get some feedback on it?