Single post in Sporko's Scribbles

Man... I just- I just need to vent I think. I need to get my words out there so theyre not just... stuck in my brain. Hopefully it wont be too heavy... hopefully. Im also on mobile so please dont judge for grammar/spelling mistakes because Im too exhausted to really care right now. Im just so... drained. Im tired and sleep barely does anything to me. I wake up, do my stuff in the mornings and leave for work in the mid afternoon and then not get home until almost midnight. Then that happens 4 times a week. Sure im only part time, and I have a job so I shouldnt really be complaining but... Im not built for this job. Taking this job is a mistake. Im not capable of it and my boss knows. Hes pushing me to be better but... i cant do it. And i cant just leave because i need to pay rent and bills and then christmas stuff too. Im just so existentially tired, happiness is... foreign to me for the most part at the moment. Life is throwing me these hard challenges, yes im strong but im not strong enough for things like this. Im just 1 guy, fighting off more than I... can deal with really. Stress, depression, anxiety, ptsd, self esteem problems, gender dysphoria... a lot of things. What did I ever do to deserve this? Did I do something wrong in the past life? Did i do something wrong in this life? I just... I want to be happy, i feel like I should have the ability to be happy for more than hours at a time... right?