Single post in A Shadow's Tale

Honestly just waiting for an rp to finally poof is more painful than the distant ghosting, at least those are people I don't even really know and don't have to have further contact with. Not that I'd cut people off for that anyway, life gets busy and that's fine just...this is why I swore off rp for so long. I want it to be an escape, just a thing to do when everything else got to be too much but I can't do that when I'm the only one putting any effort into it. I just...spending hours or days setting down the world so others can help build off of it and support it only for them to go 'poof' and leave me with another mountain of rumble that amounted to nothing in the end. I'm tired of that, so tired of looking back on that broken mess that I can barely stand to touch anymore because in the end it'll only be another false hope. And honestly that hurts more, just tell me it's over and I can actually close that chapter and move on but when you keep poking it over and over again without actually doing anything to fix it...what am I supposed to do with that? If you 'want' to do something then just do it, don't tell me you're going to then ignore it for another two months of absolutely nothing. I'm so sick of being the only one trying, especially when it's out of my hands...I can't doing anything and yet I'm the only one even caring to do it... *sigh* That's not at anyone on here really and I guess that's part of the problem. Sometimes I wish I could just stop caring, that seems easier than putting on a brave front while watching another world slowly crumble but I just can't... Anyway sorry for the minor rant there but it is relevant to the next part I actually wanted to get into words. So Faatasi update right? That seems to be all I ramble about here since actually switching gears to focus on it (aside from minor on-site things) and well, part of the reason this project got so big is because of these problems I've had with rping. It's not that I want to build everything up by myself but it's gotten to the point where I feel like I have to otherwise some important piece will end up 'poofing' and no one will come back to the broken world left behind. Which is honestly a terrible mindset to have but after being burned so many times in the past...it's not an easy thing to let go of. I want to share it with others and bounce around ideas but...I'm afraid of being abandoned again, that's what it boils down to...they'll either ghost one day and leave me alone or they'll break something irreparably and I'll be left with nothing. And I just can't keep doing that, the more time I put into something the more it hurts when it's finally ripped away or torn down... *sigh* Despite that though I still want to build a world people can get lost in, I don't want an impenetrable bubble with only my own thoughts echoing back... All that to say, I'm extremely hesitant to actually open Faatasi up even though it exists now and my current focus it on strengthening that backbone I already established. I want to focus on the worldbuilding side until I'm more confident in that again but...it's already taken a year just to get this far, a whole year of struggling to hold this one thing together while everything else just... Even with my full focus on this now (which it won't be, side projects are kinda a given to avoid burn out) alone it'll still be years before I get anywhere near 'done'. And even then I'm sure there'll be areas of the world neglected because I just can't account for everything. Right I just, it's too much on my mind with no where to go and...I've barely been able to focus on site things lately with 'that' rp dying yet again and, this time it's probably permanent. If he hasn't bothered to care in a whole year what's a couple more days? It doesn't help that this last stretch hit right at a low point, I just...I need to clean up a few things then I'm probably gonna step back for a few days. I just need a little time and at this point that's probably better spent in Faatasi than poking a thread that's likely never going to actually move...Kitty Out~