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Injustice [oneshot]

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NimbleFox's AvatarNimbleFox
NimbleFox's Avatar
It's pretty well written and has a nice storyline to it. I just don't get why a trainer would use a Master Ball just to get a normal Pokemon ._. but yeah, otherwise, great story c:
Eggy's AvatarEggy
Eggy's Avatar
That's a quite interesting story you wrote, Niet. Good job :) The ending was a bit sad, though... I wonder if there will be a sequel to this.
Signature is to be refactored Avatar: Made by Res0nare
Diana's AvatarDiana
Diana's Avatar
The feels! So many feels! ;-; But very well written story! Great writing style and all. Sempiternal: I think the Master Ball is just suppose to be a symbol of doom in this. Like that thing you know for a fact will ruin your life and you can't escape it.
Mina's AvatarMina
Mina's Avatar
This is so amazing I just raced through it. The way you build up to the capture is so sad, but so awesome. I could actually feel myself tear up at the last three sentences. I wish this was longer >.< You should consider making it into a full story, it would be very popular in my eyes.
"Death is our final salvation..."

QUOTE originally posted by Sempiternal

It's pretty well written and has a nice storyline to it. I just don't get why a trainer would use a Master Ball just to get a normal Pokemon ._. but yeah, otherwise, great story c:
What would you do if you found a wild pokemon that wiped out your whole team single-handedly... Of course you would capture it at all costs and like what Diana said, it is also a symbol of inescapable doom.
SilverFox's AvatarSilverFox
SilverFox's Avatar
judith's Avatarjudith
judith's Avatar
I want to know more ;)
snmiles253's Avatarsnmiles253
snmiles253's Avatar
Oh, my goodness. As if we didn't have enough reasons already to root for the Absol, the Trainer had to be an idiot and a jerk. But seriously, great story, Niet. It's a shame this is a one-shot, because this could use things like a bit more of a backstory, as well as what happens next, like whether or not Silent Moon can escape, or otherwise save his kids. There are so many things that could happen with this!
Niet [Adam]'s AvatarNiet [Adam]
Niet [Adam]'s Avatar
Thanks for all your feedback so far. Just to clarify, Silent Moon is the mother of the children. I realise it's not made clear during her narration, except right at the end where she refers to her mate as "he" ;) Also, if she were a "he", the pet name would be "Moony", not "Moonie". Also, there's a reason this is a oneshot. Two, actually. One: I'm an evil person. Two: By leaving loose ends hanging from the main thread of the story, I allow room for the reader's imagination. In other words, it's up to you, dear readers. Play through the story in your minds, and establish what's most likely to happen. However, keep in mind a number of facts:

Author spooilers, don't click if you want to keep your interpretation!

- Silent Moon was caught in a Master Ball by an ignorant Trainer. She cannot escape, and he is extremely unlikely to release her. - Absol tend to be very isolated and independent. You saw the attitude she had with Ren, it's unlikely she has any other "friends" (read: acquaintances) - When I write stories, Deus ex Machina
"God from the Machine" - an event that makes things "just work", usually when the author has written himself into a corner
does NOT happen. There are no miracles. If the characters want a miracle, they must MAKE it happen. If anyone is to be the beneficiary of Deus ex Machina, it's the bad guys ;) Like I said, I'm an evil person. - In the flashback, we get to learn that the mountain is prone to sudden and harsh snowstorms. Even if the children manage to fend for themselves, they would probably not survive the winter.
Also, I don't know if anyone spotted the huge irony in the story.

Author spoilers, don't click if you want to keep your interpretation!

Silent Moon hunted an Ampharos to feed her family. Remember that the Ampharos was foraging for berries, and had quite a number before being attacked. The most likely reason for gathering so many is so the Ampharos could feed her own family. Even though Silent Moon performed the rite that makes her kill morally acceptable in the Pokémon world, the fact remains that there is a herd of Mareep out there somewhere waiting for berries that aren't coming.
I may write a follow-up to this story, but don't count on it :p
Clip from Pokémon anime, re-lined by me
Featured story: Injustice Feedback welcome!
SebasChan's AvatarSebasChan
SebasChan's Avatar
;_; Just oh my God. This was the best bit of writing I've read in a long time voluntarily. The irony wasn't lost on me, but I almost wished it was. It was definitely a powerful point-of-view adjustment for me, but I don't regret reading it. I'll echo those above me by asking for MORE (please)!

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