- B A S I C-Name; Constantine/Connie Age; N/A Pronouns: I don't care much for pronouns; any will do, but I gravitate towards m and f usage. In all honesty, I'm for the power of 'names', rather than pronouns. Basically removing the usage of pronouns altogether in the replacement of a name after introduction. Ethnicity: Mixed Race. West Indian/White - in other words. Caribbean/West Indies. Sexuality: Pansexual Relationship Status: Taken by my lovely girlfriend, Hootie. Staff Position Supermoderator, Forum Manager. It Just means I overlook the forum and give guidance to the other moderators regarding the forum. * I do not have anything to do with design/development or art on the site. Just the forum. I am not an admin. Obligatory advisory: Aspergers, dyslexia, anxiety and depression - all diagnosed.
Art Work Permission and Sources
Posts I wanted to save due to memories;
Avatar and signature; Current avatar/signature and about me is art of my OCs [Avatar], Gwendolyn Nehorai [About Me] Miztli Chunene [Signature] Gwendolyn Nehorai and Lexine Alistair who belongs to [Atra] commissioned pieces by the user Jinji for own personal only. Not for use. DO NOT TOUCHIE. OC Gwendolyn. Created by myself in Dragon Age Origins appearance designer. Edited by Atra to get rid of poop background. OC belongs to me. Avatar belongs to me. Peace. Lab-A4 Magazine The Existential client: Lab-A4 Magazine source: labgallerie.com published: July 2014 Greg Swales - Photographer Ryan Davis - Fashion Editor/Stylist Mikkel Jensen - Model Edited by myself for my own personal use. Image is free to use and on display in free model portfolio. Offical artwork used from the game Persona. Character is Sho Minazuki. Edited by me. Avatar belongs to me. 'Image is my Sith Inquistor being an arse, from bioware, swtor." -https://i523.photobucket.com/albums/w356/Mew_mew_x3/avatargif.gif Official artwork from Dramatical Murder Edited by myself. For non-commercial use only. https://i523.photobucket.com/albums/w356/Mew_mew_x3/fablebanner.png -Fable Banner https://i523.photobucket.com/albums/w356/Mew_mew_x3/fableavatar.png Art belongs to Lionhead studios Art is official Fable Journeys Art; Edited by myself. For non-commercial use only. Art is official. Character name: Dio Game/Anime: Zero escape Art edited by myself. Art is for non commercial use only. Linkage Both images are made with official final fantasy art rendors. Image is of Caius Ballard Game: Final Fantasy Copyright: Square Enix Image can be found on the official square enix website and final fantasy wiki. Images have been edited by myself for my own non-commercial use. Image used for Zevran Gaius Johnson template:- Image is official portfolio model image released to public. Person in image: Mikkel Jensen. Profession: Footballer || Model All rights belong to Mikkel Jensen. Photographed by Greg Swales for LAB A4 This image is for non commercial use only. Image sourcing of portfolio: x and x Image used for Vergil Valentine Image is official portfolio model image released to public. Person in image: Mikkel Jensen. Photographed by Brent Chua All rights belong to Mikkel Jensen. This image is for non-commercial use only. Source of image can be found in journal] This image is for non commercial use only. Image sourcing of portfolio: x Stark Helsing [ Part of A Game of Thrones collectible card game, illustrated by Magali Villeneuve. Copyrighted work by Fantasy Flight Games (FFG). Posted in the "Card Guide Wiki" under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike License. Stark Helsing belongs to me, Image edited by myself.] Image edited by myself and I. Sourcing: Official? Screenshot: Lord Of The Rings: Two Towers Copyright: Tolkien ( And Idk) Image: Orlando Bloom Sourcing: Official Image Screenshot from 'American Horror Story' Season 1. Copyright: FX Image: Evan Peters Creators: Ryan Murphy, Brad Falchuk Image edited by myself for non commercial use. Asher Sakim. http://i.imgur.com/VHKQh3q.png Art by Sandara @ DeviantArt. Permission to use image here; Credit. Image belongs to her. The character Asher Sakim belongs to me. Image is official portfolio model image released to public. Person in image: Marlon Teixeira Photographed by Mario Sorrenti Just Cavalli Fragance Contract 2014 client: Just Cavalli source: justcavalli-fragrance.com published: Spring/Summer 2014 This image is for non-commercial use only. Free to use image from model portfolio. Image edited by myself for my own personal use. [Alexander Voce template] Image is official portfolio model image released to public. Model in image is Patrik Ehlert. Free to use image model PF. Image is for non-commercial use only Image edited by myself for my own personal user. [Vergil Valentine template] Magnus Helsing Official Artwork used; Castlevania. Image edited by myself. Source: Soma Cruz Promotional Art page/Konami Official Artwork Castlevania Gwendolyn Johnson Offical Artwork used: Final Fantasy 13 [Snow Villers] Image edited by myself: Source: Linkage Image + Copyright information Vergil Valentine Offical Artwork used: Final Fantasy 13 [Snow Villers] Image edited by myself: Source: Linkage Image + Information Stark Helsing Official Artwork used: Castlevania [Leon Belmont] Image edited by myself: Source: Leon Belmont page Game Artbook Angel/Demon Official Artwork used: Image edited by myself: -Ayami Kojima Mangaka -Copyright [Konami] -Castlevania -Character: Adrian Farenheights Tepes Art Book Scans Official Artwork used: Image edited by myself: -Bioware -Dragon Age Inquisition Promotional Image [Links to be added] All images used are offical artworks from game material. All are copyrighted and belong to the publisher of said games; but are available for fair use. As of such none of these images officially belong to me; though the edits done are 'my own' work. All characters belong to their rightful owners. The characters however; Stark Helsing, Magnus Helsing, Vergil Valentine, etc belong to me.
Made for MeImage drawn by Shiro for myself. Character belongs to me and is for my use only. Links of proof image belongs to me and any other art piece posted in this contest:- -X -X -X OC Constantine belongs to me; art drawn by Ampora. Image referencing Permissions: linkage Constantine The Temperamental Tyranitar, Sovereign of 'Better than you' is my pokesona. Character belongs to me, character concept ish mine. Sprite was done by Vennik ;3; She's amazing. Permission? Welp, ask her! She doesn't bite. I suppose I can post a lovey dovey image here of me asking. Mur Torin Cresta Torin Cresta belongs to me, he is my OC and my own creation. Art was done by jinji, as a commission piece. Image belongs to me. x x x Images of Alex Voce; this character has been reworked into 'Miztli Demos' -Proof, jinji X X X. Character Alexander [Alex] Voce belongs to me. Art drawn by jinji as part of a commission deal. Art piece belongs to me. DO NOT USE. -Proof, sscindyss X X. Character Alexander [Alex] Voce belongs to me. Art drawn by sscindyss as part of a commission deal. Art piece belongs to me. DO NOT USE. Note; this character has been reworked into Miztli Chunene. Mitzli Chunené [x] and [x]. Art belongs too me. Drawn by Jinji; paid commission art work. DO NOT USE
Is now less grumpy due to this. Bloody Atra, I love this woman.
So Novie is amazing and drew my other Pokesona 'Alexius' for me; omg I love him, I love Novie, I love me. Credit goes to Novan! Obviously! In other news, I also love Hootie and every one of my friends. ;3; Thank you guys for being there for me and just, telling me what I already knew. I'd name all of you but the list is just way too dang long. But you know who you are. You're all bright lights in the sky, twinkling blah blah - sappy nonsense. All of staff are my babies All of my friends in real are my babies All of my friends on the internet are my babies ALL OF PFQ, all of those who are great people understand all, love all, respect all, think everyone deserves to be treated EQUALLY are my babies Hootie, you're not my baby, you're my bean. And I love you ;3; you are an amazing woman and I'm so happy you're in my life. Just like I'm happy that all my friends, my family, my community etc, are in my life. You make me stronger. You're all great.
Changes in Life!
The 7th of October is going to be a big day for me, perhaps even life-changing and I'm rather scared and yet so thoroughly excited about this change. To sum it up, I'm going to be a 'parent' - and by that, I mean my new best friend and companion will be picked up and snuggled. I'm getting a puppy, guys! Life had gotten me down as I finished up university, really down. Depression and anxiety ended up getting so bad that I couldn't leave my house - period for up to a weeks time. I had to stockpile food to counterbalance this. I'm sure plenty of people know about such anxieties, they get so bad that you ended up physically shaking, sweating, throwing up at the mere motion of just stepping outside. I had to deal with that, and more still, I had to go out... You see, I lived away from home in a big city and with no carer in place. I honestly should have gotten a carer given to me. But you know how it goes, when you're in that state you don't wish to deal with the situation, and you think that others don't want to deal with it either — waste of time, etc. Anyway, I was down and out - really down. I won't go into details. But I really wasn't seeing that light at the corner, or instead, I did, and it was just so far and out of reach that it made me so emotionally tired and bitter. I hated myself even more for not being capable of doing the simple things that everyday people could. I'd love to go outside on my own. I want to look at myself and think 'this is going to be a good day'. But anyway, this is getting so very sad. We need to look at the good here. So, with the help of Hootie - she pushed me to go into the doctors again. Get the ball rolling to have certain things done. Medication upped consultation regarding breast removal, and to check my heart is running okay. But most of all, it gave me a push to better myself. I had hit a crossroad and some acceptance that I couldn't leave the house without a distraction, someone or something there as a safety net to calm me down. Now, support dogs for mental health are becoming more popular in the UK. But as you can imagine, the charities that train these dogs are swamped. The process would take me some time, perhaps years to get my support dog. What's more, is well, you know the issue - the thoughts of 'I don't deserve this, someone more deserving and suffering more should get this.' Pop into my mind. So, after councilling and talking to my GP - they brought up the idea of buying my pet. I believe they brought this forward because I may have difficulty taking caring of myself, but this is more out of guilt and hatred for myself. I can take care of someone else, or an animal and that animal and/or person would get more attention than what I give myself. But more so that a pet provides unconditional love, and after years of seclusion in a big city chasing dreams that are so close yet so far. The love of a pup would do me wonders. I've been stressing however and having some difficulty sleeping. What if I can't take care of him? What if I'm a terrible 'parent'? I've bought books and been watching countless training videos to get myself ready. I've purchased all of the stuff he's going to need in advance - more than the necessities. I've researched vets and pet insurance. I've done so much already, but as anyone would be in my situation, I'm still worried. Nothing beats having the real thing. I've saved up money for dog training just in case it's needed. I want things to go right. This is going to be a significant change for him as it is me. I hope it goes well, and that my fur baby 'Chief' and I will be spending countless of years getting to know one another and learn everything possible to know. I'm excited to gain a friend and long-time companion. And I'm also excited to be able to go outside without fearing an attack finally - or so I hope. I'll be talking to Hootie when I walk and will go on walks with my mother as well at first. Baby steps. Anyway, thank you for hearing my rant! I'll post the obligatory puppy tax when I finally get him.
It happened guys! He's here! My little boy Chief is finally home! I feel bad because I wasn't exactly excited when I picked him up; I was filled with anxiety and anticipation regarding it. Did I make the right choice etc? But seeing him, oh lord, I was happy, and I knew I picked a best friend. Of course with all puppies comes the fact he's just a baby, and I still need to get over that hurdle that dogs do not have some magical translator. Harder than actually having a human baby? Heck no; but that doesn't eliminate the fact puppies are hard to look after. My lifestyle before was just games and sleeping in, trying to brainstorm. I can't do that right now because of him. Slight irritation was bound to happen due to my change in routine - I really dislike my routine being changed - but we've both come along, and I certainly need to get out of this lousy routine I have if I want to be successful in both my career and lifestyle. He's eating well! Only had a few accidents in the house, only number 1s - thank god. I understand it will take a very long time to house train him, but I'm more than happy to ride this out. I'm excited to go outside with him as well. So I'm super happy about him being fully vaccinated so he can go on walks - should help tire him out. As well as continue with his usual training. We're working on his name now, and the whole 'sit' and 'lay down' - he's getting there. But again, this will take some time. He's only eight weeks after all. Right now I'm trying to get the communication down with him. When he's in his crate, he likes to whine. I need to see just why he's doing that. So far his whining has been because of separation. If I lay down next to the crate while he's in there, he does a few little whimpers then quietens down. The other whimpers seem to be ones where he needs the bathroom. There have been some whines where he wants to get on my bed though, I put that down to separation, and he likes my bed, it smells like me, and I'm usually close. He doesn't snuggle right up; he sprawls near the pillows! He also loves the toys his mama, Hootie, brought him, so that's good. Going to need to introduce him getting used to her voice as well. Should make it slightly easier when she comes to visit. Anyway, here we have some pictures! For those wondering he's a German Shepard Akita mix. I'm so happy he's got the curled Akita tail.
Yo look at this fluffy lil poop. He hasn't grown into his ears yet, lel what a looooser. Big boy floofers now.
Hey folks, I know life is being real hectic right now for everyone. Covid is scary. I really hope everyone is okay! Remember it's not the end and we can pull through this! Be excellent to one another, remember to have fun and enjoy the company you have! For those who are stuck at home and in a bad situation, my heart goes out for you. I know how hard it is to be stuck in a prison-like home while the abuse is laid on. Be strong. For those who have to brave the storm, thank you. Thank you for working on the frontline! Thank you to the essential workers - just, all of you people deserve more appreciation! This is just a short post, but just something I thought like saying. Be safe everyone! Stay inside, and if you can't then please find a safe space to weather this out! P.S Anyone of Asian descent who's being attacked regarding this situation, extra kudos to you. Sending good vibes and strength! People are dumb and you guys certainly don't deserve it! P.S.S To my lovely girlfriend, you're amazing - you make me the happiest dude ever!
Got woken up by Chief and suddenly just felt like posting; getting some cute pictures out of the way! And of course, confirming something. Yes, if it wasn't obvious - I'm dating 'Hootie', this woman is just... I can't put it into words. I've never had someone who's got my back as much as her, who supports me and makes me want to be a better person in mind body and soul. It's a bit corny, horribly corny. But eh, she makes me happy. Keeps me on the up and up, smacks my nose when I'm being bad. Why did I feel like writing this gross little post in a public journal for everyone to go 'ewww my man, tmi'? Eh reasons, but mostly this! But real talk, I don't have the words to describe how much I owe her, probably never will.
Of course, I need to do the necessary dog tax because Chief has gotten huge! I'm like a proud papa. Still, he goes from majestic pooch I guard you, human;
In a matter of seconds. Anyway, that's all from me. Take care folks, stay safe, stay inside! And again, for all those who have to go out, work, or just can't stay inside for one reason or the other - stay extra safe!
#BLM Remember, that all we want is to be equal. #PrideMonth Remember, that all we want is to be equal. All we want is to be equal. For those at the back. All we want is to be equal.
*last edit; I'm too tired to continue editing this every time makes me want to hurl and cry. People, stay safe. Protest peacefully, don't riot, don't be the next victim. Use your rights to protest. Show that you're better than them.
PSA; this has a lot of emotion in it. Be warned.
For those of you who are going to twist this and go, hurhur, Constantine don't you hate BLM. No. I darn well don't. I dislike/disliked the group's leadership for my own personal reasoning, that is closer to home than all you can imagine and probably have zero right to judge unless you've been in MY SHOES or my families shoes. But I stand by the cause. Of course, I do, as a black person. The idea that someone would think I don't want equality for myself and my family is boggling. As someone who's lost family to police brutality and neglect, I am livid. I am angry. I am beyond done with this society today. Don't even try me yo. RESPECT your fellow man, woman and neutral beings. RESPECT them regardless of their skin, their sexuality, their whatever. How hard is it to not lay a hand on your fellow person? How HARD is it to not utter hate at them? So done. SO, gosh darn done. Just burn society down and rebuild it again, this world be broken and I'm so tired of the repeat. I feel for my lovely girlfriend who has had to hear me cry and throw a tantrum over this. I cry because of the reality that there's going to be someone who's going to look down on our union in disgust as a mixed-race couple. I am so angry. Remember AdrianMcdonald; my cousin, who died due to police ignoring his pleads for help when he couldn't BREATHE after they tasered him and set dogs on him. Remember every single PoC who was killed and brutalised because of their skin colour. Remember every single LBGT+ person who was brutalised and killed for just being who they are. Remember that all we want is equality and you're horrible for denying us that.
The below post goes into some details about my life as a black individual with dual heritage. The oppression and the racism in the world I've faced, and the lack of understanding. This also goes into the thought process of being mixed race in this world, and the dissociation I feel. This is all my opinion and thoughts on the matter.
Warning; this is very heavy and about racism and experiencing racism
I need to write something down because for the last two weeks, I've been thinking about racism, or slightly more so. When you lived with it your entire life, you tend to try to just 'forget it' or just toughen up. Anyway, I've been thinking about it and of course, the word itself 'racism' and 'racist'. I hate how people throw that word around without even knowing what it means, and to also lump me into it without even knowing who I am or what I've been through. Let's break this down, my father, who is West Indian, lives in a place that has a large population of the black community. They have a lot of connection, so many roots back in the mother-land, of Jamaica - as well as Aruba and New Orleans. My family has a strong history of slavery, being a product of it. My dad once told me a story of how my great grandfather's son was trampled by a white man's horse and carriage 'while he was riding it,' for funsies, basically in today's language, an intentional hit and run. In his rage, my great grandfather basically hoisted the entire thing up. He threw it aside to get his son out from underneath the carriage, he was punished for damaging the white man's property. Or how his family used to have stones thrown their way as if they were 'evil' and needed to be warded off. My mother was the result of a mixed-race relationship that resulted in my grandmother kicking out my grandfather and refusing all contact. She just wanted a mixed raced baby, that was it. My mother has spent a lot of her life, not knowing her full identity because of this. It breaks her a little and still does, not knowing part of who she is and being denied the knowledge. So, imagine being born in the seventies where racism is still kicking, living in a place that is dominantly 'white.' Being born into this world because you were a fashion statement, a taboo - something to have to show it to the man. That child, my mother, grew up having the full impact of racism in her face. Yet, even though my grandma was part of the issue for treating/having has as if she was something to have for funsies, my family was very protective of her - and in a time where racism was still rampant - and still kind of is - this matters. So I came along when my mother in her 'wild years' trying to find some sort of connection with something she had lost, her identity basically. Or so my dad calls it. It happens when you're raised by people that you just can't fully connect with. Like for instance, being in a racist small town that could count the number of black individuals on it with one pair of hands. I'm not kidding about this, by the way, when growing up, I only knew of a few other blacks individuals who lived in the town I did that has a population of thousands. If you're a minority, you know how this feels. To stand out, to be seen as a lesser and have people look down on you - or worst in my mothers time. She was treated as some sort of 'taboo', something for men to have because she was different. I was born, and I had the same issues with this as my mother did. One of my earliest memories was hanging out with a friend; going to the local swimming pool and some boy came up to me and went hey, haha you're covered in chocolate. That's right. Chocolate. He was talking about my skin tone. This wasn't someone being naive; this was a kid just a little older than me, and the first thing he says upon meeting me a comment to liken my skin tone to chocolate. It never hit me until I went home and told my mother what he had said, she was fuming. I remember being treated separately by service staff in places such as the local store thinking I wasn't part of the 'family' I was with. Basically asking if I would like to be served, even though I was glued to my white family member - they didn't think I was with them. I've been described as the 'black one' when someone has tried to point me out in the crowd. I've been looked at, and cat called inappropriately since I was 11 years old. This is bad for any young person growing up, being drooled at by older men. But what got me wasn't the obvious disgusting undeniable fact they were leering at a child, but because they were drawn to me by my skin tone. They wanted to try with a 'black person'. I'm not going to repeat what has been said when they've cat called that makes this so visible. I've been called the n-word, multiple times, I've got into fights with people over it who used it as a final jab. My own father hates coming to where I'm currently living because as he puts it, 'they just stare at you.' He's not wrong, they just stare at you, like you're some sort of strange phenomenon. A shiny pokemon. It's worse still with him now, as a man who's married a lovely woman from Czech, when he's gone over there - he said that they would just gawp, that most of them haven't personally even met a black individual before. It's so weird... Anyway, I've had my family hurt by racism, attacked with words and physical fights. I've had family killed just before Christmas because of racial profiling and excessive use of force by the police. His children got their father in a casket for Christmas. That's just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to racism. My family have been used and abused, witch-hunted and persecuted. And what gets me the most is that at times I look at my arm and see my skin and I'm just - I'm getting abused for something so small, for something that I never truly got to identity with. That it didn't matter that I was just an average person who hasn't done any crime, who has tried to live the best way I can - because in this world the first thing people see is my skin tone. Yet, even with the apparent abuse and harshness, I've gone through; people still think they can take my history and pain lightly because of what, hate? Or a dislike? I don't know... I really don't. Just, been real draining this past few weeks. I don't understand why I have to keep saying 'I'm black' to people for them to back off when I explain something, and even then some of them dare to try and explain my own oppression to me. And every single time it's a white individual or an ally who think they know better. It's on every single media outlet. I've had to block people on twitter and Reddit because I'm so tired of this. It's people walking in the streets: the white saviours, the virtue signalers. Please stop. If you're trying to help, then please respect your black friends and individuals and stop acting like you know more than they do. Or better yet, understand that Black people are not some hivemind we all have different experiences and opinions. I'd also like to say this, as I was talking about this with Amanome - how you people also don't understand how it is to be mixed race in a world like this. You don't have a place, you're in the middle and ridiculed. You're not white enough to have the privilege and escape oppression. You're also not black enough to be entirely accepted in some communities because you're 'light-skinned' and thus viewed to have such privilege. No one stands up for us. Amanome said something that struck such a chord with me with how society is today with all the hate. 'Do i die because im half white? or do i die because im half black' And I just brought up that due to my heritage, and everything else. I'm scared of white people, but I'm also scared of black people... It's a sad existence, to fight with your two halves and be scared of both because both sides have been horrible. I don't know... I shouldn't feel ashamed for being a product of a mixed race relationship. I shouldn't have Blacks look down at me because there's white in my blood, I shouldn't have white people treating me like garbage because I'm a 'mutt' and my skin tone still pegs me as 'not white enough.' Where is our representation? --- This is random, but I thought about my godfather's wife today. A black woman, strong, independent. How is she feeling right now during this? I wonder it because she's in the police force. And she worked hard and still is for her community. I wish I had her number, to talk to her and thank her. But to also stay strong. Please don't forget there are black cops who are part of this. Or in her case, a black female cop. I have mad respect for her, just like I did when she was the one to cause a fuss when my cousin died as someone part of the force herself. Anyway, sorry. Big rant... I needed to unload.
This is a post about cops, and how most of them suck - but I can't bring myself to say all of them. Also the B word, and why we're still using a word that is offensive and laced in centuries of women being persecuted and children's deaths. So why are we using it?
Why I can't paint all cops as bad; thoughts - and why you should stop using the B-word.
Another topic that has been on my mind a lot - obviously because it's serious - is the need for a complete reform on an international scale of law enforcement. I'm sure everyone agrees that the way the things are now isn't working. In fact, it hasn't been working for since the creation of law enforcement at least in the U.K and USA, but that's not surprising is it? Corrupt governments that are built on the backs of oppression and slavery are going to have corrupt law enforcement. In short, the foundation for which law enforcement was built upon is that of the corrupt and the oppressive. Build a poop foundation, and you will get a poop house. That being said, I don't dislike all cops. The keyword is all, there's too many of them who are disgusting, vile and are protected by unions built to protect them and not those they're supposed to serve. But anyway, I don't dislike all cops, it's strange, I know. I have every right to hate cops. Yet I can't find myself hating all of them. Darn right I dislike a good bulk, but there are always the few that have gone out of their way for me and been there for me and have been astounding role models. Black female cops? Wow, man. These strong ladies broke down so many boundaries. Law enforcement is needed, that's a given - society today isn't exactly top-notch, crime is rampant and needs to be controlled. I can't help but wonder how many people joined law enforcement because they wanted to help their community? Only to get there and see the inner corruption and injustice. It makes me think, are these people bad for not acting out? Sometimes I think they are, and while a lot of them - at least that I know - vocalise and stand by the cause, they're still wearing the uniform. Part of me thinks that uniform is just another jail cell. Something they can't just shrug off. I know, it sounds strange to call it that. If you're stuck in an oppressive and corrupt job by all rights you should leave it, right? And if you don't and you know that there are corruption and oppression within the establishment then you're just as bad as you're not acting. Your silence and acceptance of it mean you're okay with it. I don't think it's that black and white, it's some of the weird greys that I wish that wasn't there so it could be black and white, so it's easy to judge this situation. And for me, it's not easy... On one side, I think any person worth their salt who stands by the cause should leave the said establishment. That's the logic, right? The precise cut black and white without really taking into account that it's never that simple. How many people have been stuck in horrific jobs? And of course, a lot of people will say just leave your job if you don't agree. But has that ever been so simple? Just because you don't quit doesn't mean you agree with your employee or the crappy way it's being handled - I'm looking at you Amazon. I mean with some mental gymnastics I could literally just poop out 'If you work for amazon or use it, you're supporting a corrupt businessman who doesn't follow labour laws and abuses their staff.' Obviously, you're not screaming at the amazon workers who are still working and calling them scabs and trash. Which by the way has literally happened in the UK's history when it came to coal mining. Remember when people who didn't protest and actually kept working because they needed the money were beaten up and treated like poop on the shoe? Why? Because when push comes to shove it boils down to one thing. Money. The means to survive and support yourself, the fact people can't afford to leave because they need to feed themselves and pay their bills. It's selfish, but let's face it, humans are selfish. It's not much of an excuse when you slap it down like this. Look at it, I stick doing this horrible job because I need the cash. It's the tell-tale story of every single person who's stuck in a job they dislike or don't wish to continue. I can't judge them for this, something in me is just isn't able to do so. May it be stupidity or whatever, it made me think how much nonsense will I take just so I can be paid so I could feed myself and my family. That makes me guilty, but a different kind of guilty. I wouldn't call it guilt by association, more like morally robbed of my humanity because I need money. Imagine going into something bright-eyed, and wanting to change the world for better - to help people, your community. Then you find out the truth of it all, and you have to swallow the bitter pill that this job isn't cushy or nearly as much as helping your fellow person as you wished. But you need that paycheck, you need money - quitting and finding another job is an extra step that is going to leave you out of pocket. What do these people do? Dissociate, they shut down. The 'cop' is separated from the 'person' to cope with what they're doing. It's a natural response to having to swallow your own morals. Believe me, I've seen it on a smaller scale. There's time I enforce rules I don't agree with. I'm looking at you discord status rules, I think you suck. That's the problem. They shouldn't have to do this. No job should turn an ordinary person into this. I can't help but hate the cops who have gone too far and turned into monsters. Still, I hate the organisation more for turning them into this, to pushing them, to twisting them - and encouraging it. Again, people will say this is very naive of me to think this way. I'm in agreement, but it's something that even looking at all the statistics, and factual information can't sway me from. I don't see bad cops, I see a bad organisation that makes bad cops. I see a lame society that doesn't help people get out of it, or end the corruption. I see a government that tries to fight you tooth and nail to just be given aid while you're job searching. Everything is bad here. But again, of course, it's going to be wrong when the foundation itself is corrupt, trash and built on the backs of slaves, blood, and the deaths of thousands upon thousands. Why are we holding onto archaic relics of the past and not evolving as time goes along? But another reason for why I simply can't paint them all with the same brush when I can easily do so regardless of knowing cops who have done well. These people who are PoC trying to help their communities and just being stonewalled by racist gits who happened to have kept their uniform and be in higher positions as them - I can't paint them in the same light. I can't view the black woman who has become a cop to help her community in the same light as the cops who ignored my cousin as he struggled to breathe and yet begged for help. They're not on the same level. I just can't bring myself to do it. Maybe it's something heavily ingrained in my mind - but after so much history of people painting others with that same nasty broad brush, and the division it causes. I can't do it. All I can think of is this way of thinking, is what leads to discrimination in the first place. Yes, the argument is that cop choose to be a cop. They can shed that outfit and take their lumps, deal with it - and be rewarded with the moral high ground. A black person can't shed their skin, they have no choice but to be black. Painting all black people with the same brush is racism, painting all homosexuals with the same brush is homophobic—etc etc. Painting all cops with the same brush is fine? I can't wrap my head around this. There's no way that being a cop being told they're a pig is on the same level as black people being persecuted or the LBGTQ+ community being beaten upon. It's not in the same league, nor will it ever be. But I simply can't think this way. Something in me finds it so hypocritical and abhorrent. I know how it feels to be lumped into something and judged. It's that simple way of thinking that I can't stand. It makes me nervous that people can and will feel like this. That a person is guilty by association regardless if they've acted or not. Something about that terrifies me not even in an overly dramatic sense, but in a way that sparks my anxiety and fills me with dread. I can't do it. I will not lower myself to the level that my oppressors do to me and have done to my family. But I will hate the system, I will despise it with everything I have. --- Something else though I wanted to bring up, the erm... All cops are 'b-word'. Yeah, can people stop using this? It's incredibly offensive. And I'm not talking about the fact it's linked into cops. It's a fact that we're still using 'B-word' as an insult. Why on earth are we using this as an insult? We're supposed to be supportive of single mothers. As well as celebrating that women who give birth out of wedlock aren't being persecuted - for the most part anyway. It's supposed to be broadly accepted, and good on them. So, why are we using the 'b-word' which still means that you're an illegitimate child born out of wedlock and using it as an insult? Stop using it. I get that it has multiple meanings, but one of those meanings is legit this. And someone who's born out of wedlock... yeah, you know where I'm going with this. I don't understand why we're using something like this as an insult, it's not like a person can help being born out of wedlock... You don't use the 'f' word even though it has a dual meaning compared to sticks because it's highly offensive. So why are we using 'b' word? I don't give a poop if you say 'All cops suck' in my personal opinion* - not the staffs as a whole, because duh, there are rules. But not the 'b-word'. That word still means something here that isn't just, 'ew what an unpleasant person.' Its history is laced in the blood of thousands of women and children who have died due to the narrow-minded views of having an 'illegitimate child'. Think about all the women who died because they had to have illegal backstreet abortions because if they gave birth to an illegitimate child, their lives would be ruined. Think of the children that were abandoned and killed because of this. Think of how the government wouldn't help these children or the women yeah... Educate yourself on this. This isn't exactly super old news. * I legit don't care, it's your opinion in my mind and I can fully understand the reasoning why you would want to say what you do. Just because I don't agree with it doesn't invalidate your opinion. Opinions aren't facts. I just despise the b word being used here. Far as I'm concerned if you can't respect multiple opinions and take in the opinions of others without turning into a huge heaving mess of a turd then you're part of the problem. Again, my personal opinion is not that of the staff. Wow, surprising. It's like people don't have a hive mind or something. Smh.
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