A Shadow's Tale

I should do more poetry but muse is fleeting and, honestly tends to only come when I'm feeling overwhelmed which I guess is good and bad? It's a nice release but means most of what comes out is...a bit harsh? Maybe not the right word but eh, gets the basic idea. I do have some lighter pieces scattered here and there but most of them lately are fic related. The fullest collection I have is over on advancedscribes (which is about all I'm doing over there nowadays), need to update ficpress again but I hate how glitchy it can be. Anyway uh, finally finished all the region maps for Faatasi. Still have a few other ideas to sketch down as far as world-building but the art side is mostly just down to characters. Also still have a lot of writing to do before I even think about opening it up for rp but I like how it's coming along (and I have a general idea for most of it it's just a matter of sitting down and finding the right words). Right now I'm back to sprites and characters then I'll look into that, probably work on pre-comic alongside the world notes to help focus. Site-wise I've switched back to my eevee chain just to get the count up, not really actively hunting right now but I needed something to hatch to keep up with my dailies. Still need more albinos too so it works, was getting a little tired of the lower eggs hatching too fast. Granted this week is type race so I'll be working for fragments instead. Did artober again this year, a few days were difficult (either timing or lack of muse) but I managed. And I maybe don't hate my art now? I mean generally what I share is just in the 'okay' range but I also struggle with linework between an unsteady hand and just it taking so long digitally. Which is why a lot of the larger pieces ended up lineless and...I actually enjoyed that a little more? Once I'm done with refs I might go back to that and develop it more, depends how I decide to do the comic really~ That turned into a bit of a ramble but think that's all for, back to sprites so Kitty Out~

Timezones are weird and I'm still not sure the best way to break them down for Faatasi, which is the last background thing bugging me right now (the other two worldbuilding things on my to-do are technically figured out I just have to find time and words to type them out). Not that timezones are a major thing but dealing with a whole world I can't just ignore the path of the sun...or the moons but that I'm leaving to the calendar. Also I can't seem to stop adding new things to-do but I'm putting off the Kokoro Dimension (and its region{s}?) until after I catch-up on charries~ Which is what I'm working on currently, this simpler style is a lot faster and I'm not fretting over every single line stroke as bad (lines and mouse do not agree and I'd been spending so time on the lines that I tended to burn out before even getting to the color stage). Or in the case of some of my earliest pieces that're still stuck at sketch...anyone wanna just finish those for me? No, didn't think so...anyway uh, yeah trying to work through my backlog then maybe I can think about actually outlining the pre-comic to make that a bit easier. Hoping to get that started before the end of the year but that depends upon freetime and energy. On-site still not much happening, need to get together a few christmas gifts but otherwise just existing unless the shop gets busy. The arguing in some of the areas I tend to lurk was getting taxing again which didn't help in the slightest, but I am glad most of the community is understanding...usually. Hmm, think that was all on my mind right now so Kitty Out~

Probably not going to finish that, honestly I'm surprised I got that far... Anyway uh, finally going through what I hope will be last mass move on TH to get the rest of my older characters up (at least the ones that have some development or I still plan to expand). The art side's on pause 'cause the death of flash is really making it difficult to cross-check old refs and most of them need a design update anyway but I'm going to go ahead and get the profiles out of the way (and maybe work on 'all the meowths' some). Site-wise I switched over to tyrunt for dp and the next race but might switch again after it. Since I finally renewed by HM I want to get back to proper hunting but I also want to make sure I can keep arceus during the hunt; also need to decide what I actually want to hunt right now. Uh, hmm...that dev log's kinda heavy huh? Not that I mind, communication's important (even if I also fail at it half time), it's just an interesting trip down memory lane especially after last year. I've been around a while now (though not from the beginning) so PF really is an important part of my childhood. It's basically the only site I still regularly visit (though I have rejoined CS on the art-side) so I care what happens to it but I'm not going to stop it from growing in whatever direction works best. Most people are really short-sighted, they only care about the immediate impact and that's not always a bad thing but...stalling progress is not the way to protect something, especially a game like this. The foundational issues aren't as bad as PF1 but for any game to move forward sometimes they have to cut ties with the past, technology will eventually advance beyond what any old code can sustain and if anything hopes to survive it has to be willing to move on. Will it hurt? Sure but only for a little while, the real joy of playing a game comes from it's growth just as much as what it is. No one wants to let go of something they worked really hard for and in an ideal world they'd never have to but instead of focusing on that fear wouldn't it be better to do what you can to preserve it even if it ends up a little different in the end? If you can't trust the game's creator to make the right decisions for it then, why are you playing that game? Not that anyone's infallible, we're all human afterall, but the player's don't have access to the big picture and that's where the future lies. *sigh* Not really sure where I was going with that but I've had a lot on my mind lately, and...yeah just, I for one look forward to seeing where PF's journey goes from here...Kitty Out~

Honestly just waiting for an rp to finally poof is more painful than the distant ghosting, at least those are people I don't even really know and don't have to have further contact with. Not that I'd cut people off for that anyway, life gets busy and that's fine just...this is why I swore off rp for so long. I want it to be an escape, just a thing to do when everything else got to be too much but I can't do that when I'm the only one putting any effort into it. I just...spending hours or days setting down the world so others can help build off of it and support it only for them to go 'poof' and leave me with another mountain of rumble that amounted to nothing in the end. I'm tired of that, so tired of looking back on that broken mess that I can barely stand to touch anymore because in the end it'll only be another false hope. And honestly that hurts more, just tell me it's over and I can actually close that chapter and move on but when you keep poking it over and over again without actually doing anything to fix it...what am I supposed to do with that? If you 'want' to do something then just do it, don't tell me you're going to then ignore it for another two months of absolutely nothing. I'm so sick of being the only one trying, especially when it's out of my hands...I can't doing anything and yet I'm the only one even caring to do it... *sigh* That's not at anyone on here really and I guess that's part of the problem. Sometimes I wish I could just stop caring, that seems easier than putting on a brave front while watching another world slowly crumble but I just can't... Anyway sorry for the minor rant there but it is relevant to the next part I actually wanted to get into words. So Faatasi update right? That seems to be all I ramble about here since actually switching gears to focus on it (aside from minor on-site things) and well, part of the reason this project got so big is because of these problems I've had with rping. It's not that I want to build everything up by myself but it's gotten to the point where I feel like I have to otherwise some important piece will end up 'poofing' and no one will come back to the broken world left behind. Which is honestly a terrible mindset to have but after being burned so many times in the past...it's not an easy thing to let go of. I want to share it with others and bounce around ideas but...I'm afraid of being abandoned again, that's what it boils down to...they'll either ghost one day and leave me alone or they'll break something irreparably and I'll be left with nothing. And I just can't keep doing that, the more time I put into something the more it hurts when it's finally ripped away or torn down... *sigh* Despite that though I still want to build a world people can get lost in, I don't want an impenetrable bubble with only my own thoughts echoing back... All that to say, I'm extremely hesitant to actually open Faatasi up even though it exists now and my current focus it on strengthening that backbone I already established. I want to focus on the worldbuilding side until I'm more confident in that again but...it's already taken a year just to get this far, a whole year of struggling to hold this one thing together while everything else just... Even with my full focus on this now (which it won't be, side projects are kinda a given to avoid burn out) alone it'll still be years before I get anywhere near 'done'. And even then I'm sure there'll be areas of the world neglected because I just can't account for everything. Right I just, it's too much on my mind with no where to go and...I've barely been able to focus on site things lately with 'that' rp dying yet again and, this time it's probably permanent. If he hasn't bothered to care in a whole year what's a couple more days? It doesn't help that this last stretch hit right at a low point, I just...I need to clean up a few things then I'm probably gonna step back for a few days. I just need a little time and at this point that's probably better spent in Faatasi than poking a thread that's likely never going to actually move...Kitty Out~

I hate when things just decide to nope, my good laptop's dead and at this point I'm just hoping someone can get the data back. I know I should've had a backup but I have finite external storage and most of the files I need I was still actively working with. *sigh* I really just hate sudden changes and now I'm probably going to be stuck on mobile for months. Nothing seems to like going right right now... I'm still doing artfight though, one way or another I was just really hoping to work on digital and actually figure out krita this month. Guess it's back to pencil and paper, if I can even get that to look right. Colors are hard but I don't want to get stuck doing nothing but sketches. Also debating closing the shop again, I don't want to but I can't handle big orders as well on mobile. And updating the lists is a pain. We'll see on that though, I'm leaving it for now but it still might close if this doesn't work out. After HM runs out I might just take a break until things settle again...Kitty Out~

You'd think something would've changed by now but the only new thing I've learned is that I really hate mobile. Well maybe that's not new but I really hate having no other choice, I can barely do anything and half the websites only half work and I can't work on anything I actually want to... And that's ignoring the fact I still don't know if that data still exists which by now I've lost all motivation to replace if it doesn't so I guess I'm screwed either way. I'm trying but I'm just so tired and I can't.... *sigh* artfight was good, I actually wanted to do a spiel on it but without that distraction this lost access has only gotten more prominent and I just...I just need answers, I need to know but I'm stuck and there's nothing I can do... Am I even protecting something at this point? 'Cause it's sure not my sanity.... I need a break from my own head and that's the problem isn't it, that's what my projects are for and I can't do anything with them...not with this tentative connection and so much sitting in limbo... I'm frustrated and there's only so much I can do before that reaches a breaking point... *sigh* If nothing changes I'm going to have to close the shop for a while, trying to maintain editing and fields with just this stupid touch-screen is getting to be more trouble than it's worth. I can't even tell if I'm getting closer to something at this point or just further away... Kitty Out I guess...