I have an unbearable hatred of my existence that I am only able to throw a blanket over, but its still there, writhing under the blanket untill it finds a way to peak out from underneath. Sometimes I know when the blanket will shift and I am overcome by this hatred. Those moments don't compare to the times when the hatred lies so still underneath that I forget its there untill it suddenly thrashes out from underneath and sinks its talons into me. You could say im lucky despite this part of me that I try to hide underneath a blanket, because I still recover when that hatred slices into my body and forms plans for me to cross the line that shouldn't be crossed. Because I will continue to live on and recover despite of it. Its hard to remember that.